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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he living in a fantasy world

14 replies

womblingfree1970 · 26/01/2011 19:09

I'm not sure really where to start and how to explain my situation properly.

OH and me have had some serious problems in the past and we are living seperately.We are now giving things another go but are taking things slowly.
Some of the issues we had were.

He wants more attention than I can give.for instance he will ring me several times during the day and several times in the evening.And complains if I don't do it as much.Yet I have to look after the children and spend time with them of an evening.I find him very needy.He seems to want us to behave like a lovesick couple of teenagers.

He wants more sex than me(yet we have sex several times a week but he wants more).I believe in quality not quantitiy.

My complaint about him is that he is lazy.When we lived together he didn't help around the house.wouldn't fix any minor things around house.I did it all.slept alot or watched TV.On holidays spent his time either sleeping or watching TV.There were other things which I don't want to disclose.

so since getting back together he has been coming around at weekends and maybe once during the week.And things seemed to be going well.He has been less demanding of attention sexual or otherwise and other things had changed.

for the last couple of months I've had alot to deal with because my eldest has been coming upto her exams and so I have been giving her alot of attention and help with revision etc.On top of this I've had alot of sleepless nights worrying about her.So this week is the first time I've managed to get any sleep.Anyway OH rings asks if he can come around.I explained it was a bit short notice as I hadn't arranged a meal to include him and would get back to him on it.His reply was doesn't matter and he went into a sulk.This is his typical reaction when I say he can't come round because of something(which is not often).

Anyway later he rings back saying he's upset and that he feels there are still problems with the relationship and that I haven't changed.I ask him to explain.He says no that I should know because he's told me what the issues are in the past( I believe he was referring to lack of attention and sex).I replied that I had thought things were going well.(I thought he had realised that in the real world you can't give each other constant attention and sex and was being less demanding).It seems now that is not the case he has just been backing off while I spend time with our daughter and then expected the focus to go back on him.

He lives on his own and only has to look after himself.I have the children to care for.

Is he living in the real world.Surely real relationships aren't like that.

OP posts:
earwicga · 26/01/2011 19:11

Ditch him - he has never grown up and never will. Sort out arrangements re maintenance and visits for the children.

Katisha · 26/01/2011 19:11

Are you generally happier when he is around or not around?
Would it be a relief to you if it came to an end?

IAmReallyFabNow · 26/01/2011 19:12

No, they aren't. Now that you have got him out of your house I would be tempted to not let him back in.

realrabbit · 26/01/2011 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NonnoMum · 26/01/2011 19:17

Try Relate.

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/01/2011 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anniegetyourgun · 26/01/2011 19:21

He sounds extremely high maintenance. To quote the classics, he must have a solid gold cock to be worth keeping around.

deste · 26/01/2011 20:07

I take it he is not young. So why did his other relationships end, has he said, ie she did not give me enough attention. Or she put her children first? Im sure if he is as immature as he sounds he will have said something to give you a clue.

atswimtwolengths · 26/01/2011 20:17

Oh god, could you be bothered with him? He sounds immature and selfish, not to mention like he hasn't got a clue what's involved in family life.

Now that he's out, keep him out.

perfumedlife · 26/01/2011 20:29

I wonder if the other things you havn't disclosed wouldn't explain him all the clearer.

As it stands, he sounds like a parasite.

HellinAHandCart · 26/01/2011 21:40

He's living in the same la la land of fluffy bunnies and romantic sex and infatuation that my OH lives in. I can't offer you anything but sympathy, because I don't know where to go from here either. Confused

AnyFucker · 26/01/2011 21:44

I just couldn't be arsed to pander to the needs of a man-child like this

Put the separation back on a formal, permanent basis

What the the hell do you get out of this "relationship" ??

sarjose · 26/01/2011 22:00

I was with a bloke very similar in the ways you describe,it got to the point where I would be made to feel guilty for 'rejecting' him, as he made a convincing victim of my 'heartlessness'. In the end a female 10 years younger than myself showed him the attention he craved and within weeks she was pregnant with his child.I didn't find out until 3 months later,in the meantime he was asking me to have a baby with him...my point is,be very careful,men (boys) like this are out for themselves mainly and are often very charming and adept at mind games.

ItsGraceAgain · 26/01/2011 22:13

From what you've written, he's a perfect fit for that mumsnet descriptor - 'cocklodger'.
Please remove him from your life!

I understand that you had hopes of changing this relationship into something better - but, really, that can't happen. You're putting yourself through all this angst for nothing :(

He's almost managed to undermine you such that you don't believe in yourself anymore and have forgotten that most relationships are equal and respectful. You do deserve better (everybody does!) At the very least, hold out for someone who actually gives a shit about your feelings.

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