my life is falling apart..

[curlytom]

as the title says really..
i have a dd age 9 was with her father 13 years most of which he was violent and abusive, a year a half ago I finally left him and as fate would have it met the most lovely kind sweet man who I used to date when i was young. It was like a dream a real romance and I could not have been happier. My ex continued to make life hell for us both so we have lived apart and he has two dd from previous relationships so I thought that we would soon live together his dds could stay when he had them.
Then my mum died , my job is now facing redundancy , he has'nt worked for several months and he has been told by his brother who lives in US that they can fix him with a job somewhere to live so he can try something new, he works in construction here and things are looking bleak for work he cannot pay for his dds he has never not worked so he is going. He cannot say if we will be together he says he has a chance and has to give it a go and I understand but im heartbroken and until he goes over the next few weeks what do I do , when im with him i feel desparate that i cant get him to stay, if I dont see him its worse, we get on great he says he loves me but he has to go and try this out, i feel sick cannot pull myself together i hate to look and act desperate its all such a shock , do you think i should pull away now , its making me ill and he has'nt even gone yet

orry forgot the doc prescribed me anti depressant yesterday cos I have been so low i cant function but not sure should I take them which is even more pathetic really

Yes, you should take them.

You need to clear the fog from your mind and think clearly before you can really sort your situation out. Thinking 'through' depression, so to speak, is next to impossible.

hank you i feel so weak after my mum my job i thought i will get through as I have such love and now to lose this too so suddenly its just devastated and his dd's mother is not impressed either says he being selfish that they need a father here not on the other side of the world but someone has put his idea into his head that it will not improve here at all and that he can have a real start, probably his brother who i have to add is a millionaire so you can see how i am fighting a losing battle

Take the pills. You will not be able to think clearly unless you are feeling better.

You are thinking in a 'wodge'. You need to separate all of these things and look at them and deal with them individually. You will be overwhelmed if you see them as one big thing.

do take the pills. make looking after yourself the first important thing you do and deal with everything else as and when you can...a bit at a time

Would it be absolutely impossible - considering your job situation - for you to suggest that you go with him for a 6 month trial, and just see what happens?

Oh lord So sorry to read this.

1. Take the pills. Get your head sorted.
2. Then you can start to think about your next steps.
3. Remember, nothing is forever. He might not be there forever, and what's to stop you going there later?

he has never suggested that so i guess its not something he wants i asked him to move in with me so he would'nt have to worry about bills offered to support him till things improve but he says he cant let me do that plus seems to insist his dds who are teenagers one is starting uni need money at this time not him which i understand is honourable I have to just let go i guess and stop acting so desperate which is hard

You've really been hit by an avalanche. Don't think of it as acting desperate. Anyone would find it incredibly difficult to deal with all your expectations being shattered and the normal support network being absent.For what it's worth you sound very reasonable and understanding about it. Maybe it's just the final straw for you at the moment.

It sounds as though everything in your life is being pulled from you all at the one time. You and your daughter are your prime concerns. You need to prioritise yourself in order to be able to look after your dd.

Get help where you can. Someone to talk it through with. I know he hasn't mentioned it but would you be interested if they could fix you up with something with six months\year too or would it be too hard to re-establish yourself back home if you don't like it.

You need to nuture yourself.

My darling goes tomorrow morning I will see him tonight before he goes , he said I should?nt go to the airport as it would be too upsetting which is probably right . Can anyone please tell me how I should behave apart from crumpling into a big heap which is not going to be very helpful ?play it cool I guess , this is just so very very hard I feel helpless and sick again and starting to panic already

anyone?

No reason why you should play it cool IMO - if you love him, what is wrong with telling him that you are going to miss him? - will he have access to Skype and the likes whilst he's away?

Did you start taking the Anti-D's yet? You need to make sure you are looking after yourself then you will find a way to cope with things.

no reason to play it cool, if you do love each other there is no reason to give up on the relationship as yet.
You do not know what is going to happen over the next few months. How is he/are you planning to keep in touch? Will you be able to skype each other in the evenings? Does i sound that he wants to freeze the relationship or making an effort to carry on till you both know what's going on?

It wont be forever. How long is he going for?