Husband left yesterday, sooo confused :(

[pamplemousse]

Hello
Things have not been brilliant between us for a while now and we moved house which was stressful, I started a Masters which kind of made me more serious and have less time, we both lost our jobs so money worries are huge also.
Things just got more and more mundane and we barely spoke about anything except could you put the bin out, empty the dishwasher, blah blah.
I think my husband is depressed, we haven't slept together for about a year, to start with it was more the fact that he was on his computer until late and I went to bed early and was aslepp by the time he fell into bed in the small hours. Then I started with the questions and he just said he has no desire at the moment and feels flat. He never really seems happy anymore and not really engaged in any situation. His patience with our dd is tiny which annoys me too.
Because this has all been going on for so long and he's made no real effort to DO anything about it I have found myself not really liking him much and that makes me sad.
He announced the other day he wasn't happy and needed to move out to get some space and think about us etc. I agree this is a positive step for him to sort his head out.
But now I don't know what I feel! Its so horrible :(
Sorry its such a long rambling story

Too soon to know what to do or to feel. Sounds like this is about HIM rather than you, or even you both as a couple.

Give it time, keep talking to him and see what is going on in his head.

Has he spoken to a GP?

Use the space you have without him sitting around whining and expecting to be fed and serviced to work out what you want. But do make sure that this includes a full understanding of your rights WRT the family home and how much maintainance he should be paying if he doesn't come back.
Also, take the time to decide if you want him back. It's not enough for him to return to living in the house if all he does is complain; if he comes back his behaviour has got to be better eg he's got to pull his wieght with domestic work and childcare.

I suspect he is having an affair OP and has been for some time. Your post is achingly familiar, with all the tell-tale signs.

So sorry Pamplemousse. You know, there must be thousands of couples who are being driven apart by this late night computer use. I look around some nights and dh, ds and myself are on computers. It's easy to forget others are there. At least before when we watched tv together, we were all looking at the same thing.

Not saying that's your problem. It could be depression, especially him feeling 'flat'. I hope he does see the gp. How are you holding up? Do you feel like suggesting Relate to him?

LMHF I think its both of us, I wasn't happy but was too damn busy to talk, also tried to and he is rubbish at expressing his feelings and I know I get defensive or upset, although at the moment I am remarkably calm.
He hasn't spoken to a GP as he thinks he is fine. I suggested that maybe he was a bit down due to job disasters etc and usually he is enthusiastic about sex (its me thats not!) but he says he is just stressed. As we've moved we need to register with a new GP so is an ideal oppurtunity, but again its me telling him to do stuff or it doesn't get done

Oops sorry got distracted earlier.
Stuffing, where do I get info about maintence etc?
WhenwillI, I really hope not but wouldn't be hugely suprised.
Perfumed its true computer games are wrecking lots of relationships, its no excuse but apparently they are as addictive as some recreational drugs.
As to how I feel, I'm reacting weirdly, one minute I'm tidying without mailce as its my mess, getting loads done, on the other hand I miss him loads. But then start going over and over do I miss HIM or just company?
Ah bugger, how on earth do you decide these things?
I suggested relate and he agreed, but he does tend to agree to most things to get a quiet life.

PM: there is a site called something like Entitled To which will tell you what you'd get in the way of tax credits etc as a single parent.
As to the family home is it yours/his/joint names? Is it rented or bought? If you are married, you have a claim on a bought house even if your name is not on the deeds - basically he doesn't get to dump you and DC and walk off to 'find himself'.

Thank you! I treid that website and it all got a bit depressing but I'll be OK if we do separate, which I think we will.
We rent the home and it belongs to my Dad so dd and I are will stay, he's already gone somewhere else so he can sort himself out.
We jointly own another flat which we rent out. If we could sell it (which I doubt considering the market) by the time we've cleared mortgage, debts and solicitor fees etc we'd only have 3k each.
OMG I have been dumped haven't I?
Still haven't 'talked' about the situation so no idea what he's thinking. Got a babysitter for next week and have planned a walk with him to discuss it all. That'll be fun. Any tips on how not to cry and shout and say things I don't mean? My thoughts are quite rational and logical, but when I talk to him on the phone about [practical things I get all teary.

Hope you are ok pamplemousse. Any progress made yet? You had that walk?