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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lonely future?

2 replies

splatcat · 24/01/2011 22:33

Can't believe I'm actually doing this, but it just goes to show I've reached rockbottom.

Just read a similar story to mine, so I'm obviously not unusual. My husband and I have been together for 23yrs, married for 15. We have a lovely 10 yr old son. Things have been going downhill steadily for years really, but I have finally got him to actually acknowledge it (took an e-mail to do it, as, like many men, he's incapable of talking about his feelings). There's just a complete lack of emotional response from him - forget about sex (an annual occurrence, if I beg hard enough), he can't even give me a cuddle or a proper kiss, and seems to do his best to be as far away as possible from me. The stupid thing is, I still love him, and he says he still loves me, but I just feel completely alone and unloved, very sad and trapped.

He's had a lot of problems at work, but this seems to be something which happens at every job he has - he says I'm not supportive, but I've just had enough, and he doesn't appreciate that I need support as well.

I spent all day yesterday on the brink of tears, and actually went off to have a cry in private several times so our son wouldn't know. Of course, husband didn't notice, or maybe just didn't care. Only when our son had gone to bed, and I let it all out, did he reluctantly comfort me - I suggested relationship counselling, which he agreed to at the time, but I have a feeling he'll back out of it - he just thinks we're "not compatible" anymore. Really don't want to leave as it would devastate our son, so where can I go from here?

OP posts:
SlightlyJaded · 24/01/2011 22:51

But would it devastate you?

Because unless he agrees to, and attends councelling, which in turn proves to be a turning point for your marriage, the alternative is years and years of empty nothingness. Your DS is not going to be immue to this and whilst he might be initially devastated at the idea of you splitting up, he would prove far more resiliant than you think in the long run.

So honestly, the question is, would you be devstated or would you be relieved?

pickgo · 24/01/2011 23:02

In what ways does he show he loves you?
Does he comfort you when you are upset?
Does he do things to make you happy even if they're a pain to him?
Does he make it his business to find out what's going on in your life?
Does he show his commitment to you and DC?
Sorry, don't want to burst your bubble but are you sure you both still love each other, or is it a hangover from how you used to describe your relationship?

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