Advice please

[victoriah3]

My hubby was brought up in care and was always being moved around and treated badly suffering physical abuse. He has a lot of anger issues and doesn't know how to bond with people or trust anyone. Our son is nearly 4 and I know hw loves him dearly but he is so harsh on him, he thinks he should be seen and not heard and does not know how to have fun with him. He is forever shouting at him and saying unforgiveable things, I hate you and I wish we could send you back are two examples. Hubby has always been very needy in terms of taking notice of him and now Alex is here he is getting less. He is always threatening to leave and pack his bags - I am immune to this now as he has said it so many times. I am beginning to hate him and wish he would go although part of me still loves him and I want him to shaoe up and realise how lucky we are. What is wrong with him and what can I do?

op Just a friendly warning but you have given quite a lot of personal details here. Not sure if this is a concern for you but you have mentionesd the school dh went to, plus name of your child, please be a bit more discrete. This forum isn't as 'closed' as you might think.

As regards your situation i can only echo what others have said, unless you want your son to turn out like your husband, you need to give ds the space to grow into a caring adult away from daily abuse from hius father(and make no mistake, your dh IS abusing your ds).

I hope you get it sorted.

your H needs help. to dela with his childhood and why it manifesting in this anger towards his child.

you need to issue ultimatum.

that you want to be with him but his behaviour is unacceptable.

either he will get help or he wont.

his choice.

you cannot continue living with someone when he treats DS like that.

if he gets right help -you have hope of rebuilding your family with him

if he does not get help - you wont.

meanwhile, also ask GP for counselling for yourself as you will need support too - if he does go thru therapy it will be hard going for all of you

Crazy Gracie

Is there such a thing as parenting courses? We are all supposed to be inherently good at it? Where can I find out

Sorry about posting personal info, what do you mean when you describe the forum as 'closed'?

I just meant that some posters think that what they post here can't be seen outwith this site, but, for xample, if you were to google your name this page would probably come up in the search list. Nothing to worry about but does mean that you might be more identifiable than you (or dh) might like. tis all!

OP - my father is a damaged man. He had a dreadful childhood, with abuse from his own family. Consequently, he has always put his needs first over his children's and his wife's.

His wife, my mother, was quite happy to put him first too, as she believed that that was a husband's right.

There are many occasions throughout my childhood when I can recall be treated badly by my father, and my mother taking the attitude of "that's the way things are, your dad loves you, he just gets angry sometimes".

As a result, I don't love my father and have no respect for my mother. She let me and my sister down badly.

Don't give your DS this legacy, OP.

There are parenting courses, and they may help your H, but honestly, he is not just an ineffective parent, he is an abusive one. I bet there is loads more you haven't mentioned, isn't there?