Hi
This is probably a little long winded but I really dont know what to do. (have just read it back and its so long sorry you dont need to read but its helped typing it all up :( need all the facts written down to work things out )
Nutshell - DH one affair now caught in hotel room went to his mums early december came back home xmas eve everyone happy apart from me now back at his mums and Im at a loss what to do. Confused and hurt - more detail below)
Been with DH for nearly 7 years, married for 4 last week and have two DD (3.6 and 1.8)
Not always been the best marriage - he had an affair when I pregnant with DD2 and found out last September when she was 4 months old.
He was so sorry told me it ended before DD2 was born and he wanted to make things work. He was sorry for a while and I was so hurt and embarrased that I never told anyone and just acted like normal to save his family and my mum hating him. I was very depressed around this time as the baby never slept and as I knew who the OW was (his best mates new wife) I was always panicking that I would see her.
Things did get better. I constantly thought about it and hated him a little for making me like this.
Cut to Septemeber this year (we both work together) and he gets a new female boss. Both the same age but she is the polar opposite from me - tall, pretty and blonde. I thought she faniced him but said nothing. Hes a very friendly guy and everyone in work has a laugh with him. They used to always be in the same ailse working (work in a
shop). Once or twice he mentioned her and at one point said they went to lunch together. I flipped and said with his history he shouldnt have done it and should have said.
He got very angry and I stayed at my mums for a couple of nights. We had a bad 2 weeks and nearly ended things. He said I nag all the time and nothing is ever good
enough. I see him being a lazy arse playing computer games and hate him for hurting me in the past. The boss left at the end of November (the same time things were
bad) and we got on ok. For 2 week things in my opinion were back on track.
December 5th was works night out at a local hotel. The female boss turns up and completely blanks me. Not too bothered as didnt really like her but was a bit confused.
Asked DH if he wanted to get a room as both DD were with their gran. He said no its a waste of money and got a bit mad. Should say I was driving and he was going out
after it into town with other mates who were getting him at 12 even though he had a bad cold he was adamanet. Was a little pissed but let it go. When at work do's we
always sit with our own friends so he went back to his and I went to mine. Had the occasional chat but stayed apart most of night. Near the end I wanted to go so told him and he said he was getting picked up now anyway. A very drunk friend was trying to go home in a taxi and he was insistent that I take her home. Didnt really want to but
wouldnt leave someone stranded. He practically pushed me out the door.
Took me 30 mins to get her home. When I got in I called him to let him know. It rang out so called again and this time he hung up on me. Annoyed called one more time
and the call connected but he didnt know and I could hear him. With a woman. The female boss. I was so numb with shock I didnt know what to do. I could hear them
kissing and laughing. I felt so sick.
I decided after all the crap the last time I was going to confront him and headed back to the hotel. Could hear them laughing on the speaker the whole way. I didnt know
what I was going to do once I got to the hotel but how could I sit at home knowing the two of them were together?
Got to the hotel and went back to the room and got my friend. Told her were he was and asked her for help. She went to reception and phoned her in the room and asked
if he was there and of course she said no. My friend had to go so I went to another friend who I wish I had asked first. She had been sitting with the boss and when I told
her she was adamaent she had left about 45 minutes ago when her DP had picked her up. When I told her I had heard them and that the other friend had spoke to her in
a room she went to reception to ask where the room was. She couldnt belive what I had told her.
People were wondering why I was back but managed to convince them I had lost my key. They all told me DH had gone but were happy with my lie and left me a alone. At this point DH called me and I asked where he was. THere was no background noise and he said the nightclub in town. There is no way he could even be there yet its too far away. I told him not to lie and he said he wasnt. I was so hurt. He then said 'yeah ok Im here what is it to you?' I couldnt belive how angry he was sounding! My friend found out where the room was and he said he was coming out. So met him in the corridor and he was raging that my friend was there. Not to do with the fact he had been caught more that I had told her - even though he did it at OUR work night out!
Anyway we left got home and he was like right how we going to do this - you stay here I'll move out. Everything was so final. He said I wanted too much and he didnt want to give any more.
Went to bed in tears he slept on the couch. Next morning he was sorry and did everything for the girls. Then the horrible snow hit. I was supposed to work that night but it
was cancelled. We didnt really talk much. He kept saying how sorry he was and he didnt mean the things he said. Also said nothing happend and stopped after they kissed
(yeah right!)
Then on the Thursday I was at home and he was at work. He had maintened this was a one off and nothing had happened before. He swore he hadnt had contact via text
or phone. So I looked at his phone bill. Then realised he was a lying fucker. He had text her nearly 4000 times over 2 months. All through the dinner on the night out he
was texing her and even after we got home. He called her about 20 times on the Monday and when I was sitting beside him he was texting her.
I went ballistic and called him. Told him I couldnt trust him he has constantly lied and he cant possibly love me. He was saying how sorry he only lied because it looked
bad. Anyway said it was over - my mum came over told her. He said I could tell his mum (we all get on well) she was upset and so was everyone else. He went to his
mums and saw eachother a few times when he came to see the girls. He kept asking all the time to make a go of things and would we be ok. I coudlnt belive it as he just
agreed to end it all. Anyway I was so confused couldnt eat, sleep or function properly and with christmas round the corner didnt know what to do.
One night he came roudnd and we slept together. Before you say it I know what a tramp I was. I was just loanly and didnt know what to do. Of course he seen this as a
good sign and I regreted it instantly. Anyway come christmas eve to stop christmas being ruined for the kids and everyone else I said we could give it another go. Everyone
was so happy.
Cut to now and 4 weeks later everyone is happy but me. He forgot our wedding anniversary and even though we have been taking it slow and he's been a great help with the kids and around the house I cant stop thinking of it all. Dream about it every night and look at him and think how the hell can I trust him anymore. I dont even know if I love him any more. Again everyone is upset but fuck it Im not happy and need to stop thinking about everyone else. I need to think about me and my kids. (Does that sound bad?)
Forgetting the anniversary was the icing on the cake. We are skint but thought he would at least try and make an effort with it. We had an argument when at about 8.30 I mentioned it (he was at work) he said yeah he forgot and didnt think I was talking to him
Now I dont know what to do. He's at his mum and thinks this is a couple of day things when I think its going to take a lot longer. Like I say I dont know if I can trust him or even love him right now. He's well and trully broke my heart. For the second time. Do I just end it so I dont get hurt for a 3rd time? And if Im thinking like that will I ever get over it? What happens with the money, flat and kids? There is no way we can sell as market here so bad. I just need unbiased help. Will a counceller help? How do I get help?