Do open marriages work?

[tiggywinkle2]

H and I have been married a couple of decades, and mostly get on well in a distant sort of way. He moved out recently as a result of mid life crisis/affair, but is now back and wants to rekindle romance with me. I'm pleased he's back as it's better for the children, but I'm not in romantic mood (at least, not with him). We are doing counselling at the moment and I'm considering pushing the line that we ought to give each other space for now and continue to do what we've both secretly been doing for the last five years - have affairs. I have no desire to get divorced, as am fond of H and think it's far better for our 3C if he and I stick together. I realise that this arrangement is a bit peculiar. Anyone doing anything similar?

If you think that that arrangement is better for your children then you have a screw loose

I'm with BooBoo...but, hey, what works for you.

It's a mess. And your dcs will be very messed up by it.

Just leave it. It's not better for the children.

Perhaps it would work, if you both agreed the boundaries and rules up front. But you'd have to be very discreet, as society (and your kids) will hardly be tolerant. I believe it's difficult to make an open marriage work, as one party is always likely to be more possessive than the other.

There is no need for it to screw up your children (or even for them to know about it while they're children) if you're careful and respectful of everyone involved.

Open relationships only work with plenty of communication and research into the possible pitfalls. this book and others like it are good places to start.

But by the sounds of it, this is your idea, and not one at which your husband and you have arrived jointly. Sounds like it needs far more discussion and thought, to me.

They can do.

We have friends who've been married for over 30 years and they've always had an Open relationship. She's bi so mainly uses it to express that side of her sexuality. He just likes getting his end away.

It seems to work very well. They don't have kids, though.

I couldnt do it. but each to their own.