Everything revolves around SIL child - advice please

[Molton]

Sister has one child, aged 3 and they are a lovely family. Whenever we see them though absolutely everything has to revolve around the child: meals and routine generally I understand need to be structured, but everything we do is dictated by what child wants to do. When DH and I offered to babysit for an hour so they could go out together for a bit, we were told that they don't want to, only important thing is that DD (who is a lovely little thing) is happy. Tried to plan activities during a visit that are fun for DD and adults too - but blank looks all round on the adult stuff(visit to our gym with soft play etc. and jacuzzi etc. for us) . It's as if they've lost themselves.

Is this really what it's like? I want to be supportive - if I had kids I'd want someone to think of me as well as them, but it's putting me and DH off having one of our own. Does it have to be this way?

They will soon learn .

dont have any - they're an arse ache anyway

Each to their own some families revolve around the kids, living room is sacrificed for a playroom etc. Others the child seems to be an inconvenience and banished to room and toys no where to be see, most of us find a place in the middle that suits you and your idea of a family lifestyle.

nah

mmh, they may be trying to make things a bit easier for you. When we go out, we normally choose places with facilities (or at least a bit of sympathy) for children for the simple reason that we preffer to have a rubish dinner in a family oriented restaurant than stressing all the night and feel unwelcomed at the child slightest attempt of misbehaving. We try to adher to the routine, not because we don't want to disturbe it but because we would end up being disturbed by DS once he get over tired!

We often decline offers of baby sitting if we feel that either the sitter or DS are not going to be completely happy about each other. I have declined offers from a friend because I know she is too busy and I don't want DS to use the little free time she has for herself. On the other hand, I wouldn't leave DS with my SIL because her expectations for a two year old can only be defined as unrealistic (appart of her strong feeling about smacking being the best solution for children who refuse to eat their food!)

P.S. You can't leave a child on its own in the sof play area while you go to the jacuzzi, unless the soft play area is part of a creche (rules imposed by most children's area's supervisors not me )

I think the soft play thing would have been impossible. You can normally only put members children in the creche (not visitors) and soft play has to be supervised by the parents. Could explain the blank looks!

I'd never leave my SIL to look after my 3 (she is a mother) because I know she couldn't handle ds1. (would probably leave her with ds2 and ds3). Maybe help out with them to begin with and then you may get some time alone with your niece (or maybe they will be keener when she's older/they have another). It all depends on the individual situation.