On my own

[willysmum]

Have just found myself on my own with my 6mth DS after months of being controlled and countless arguements.
I know its for the best but i miss not having him around. What hurts most is all the things i hoped for in the future wont happen, he will be 40 this year and i was going to ask him to marry me, weve got a holiday booked and i just keep remembering the good things we did together.
How do i get over it because i cant see a way at the moment?

Hang on, you were going to ask HIM?

You were going to ask a man who is controlling to marry you?

You were going to ask a man with whom you have countless arguments to marry you?

Why? Why would you want to do that? Can't you see how humiliating it would be, given your circumstances?

Count yourself lucky that he's gone now. Read the threads on Relationships and see how awful it is when a controlling and argumentative man stays.

Celebrate each day you are without him.

It takes time, however bad the relationship, and of course no relationship is all or even mostly bad (to start with at least!) otherwise you'd never have been in it in the first place. I've used, before, the simile of a bad tooth that you've had to have extracted. It had to go, but still, there's a great big gap for a while that hurts and your tongue keeps telling you there ought to be a tooth there. But if you had decided to keep it, preferring the nagging low-level pain to the shock of extraction, it would have made you ill eventually.

You miss him because you've got a lot of love sloshing around inside you looking for someone to give it to. This object was sadly unworthy to receive that love. Try to get out of the habit of focussing on him. Love the people who love you, not the ones who need to play mind games on you. Control isn't love, however it dresses itself up. Enjoy your baby and enjoy your freedom, and look forward to some new memories of new good times in the future.

thank you (said with tears in my eyes because i know youre right) Anniegetyourgun.

To cut a long story short i went on the pill when i had my DS (about the same time i decided to not take the abuse anymore) he convinced me the pill was making me arguementative, unreasonable and mentally unstable, by this time id secured a tennancy on a house for me, DD and DS, i moved out, stopped taking the pill (no need to lol)and either i was getting over him or it was the pill, but i felt great....back he crawls, all is forgiven and wonderful for a while til the controlling comes back....so here i am. A lucky escape.

It takes time for your heart to catch up to your head. Totally understand the feeling of unrealised plans. We were due to book a holiday and I feel sad that I'm dealing with all the shit he's left behind instead of looking at hol brochures. Doesn't matter that I know we're better off without him, I still feel that loss, that lonliness, that cheated feeling of missing out on being a couple and the security it offered.

Come over to the dumpling thread if you (chin up, tits out No.12) if you fancy a rant and rave