any other parents of teens managing to get any?

[PlentyOfParsnips]

I am sooo frustrated!

I have 2 DCs, 18 and 15 and since bedtime became a thing of the past, DP and I have been increasingly struggling to find opportunities for our sex life. We live in a pokey little terraced house with thin walls and the DCs manage to stay awake far longer than we can.

At weekends, we always sort of hope their plans will take them both away from the house at the same time for long enough but once again, we've just been interrupted - DS was supposed to be out til 9 but changed his mind.

This must be a common problem - what do other people do? Should I have a word with the DCs? Can't quite think how to approach it ... do we put our sex life on hold til they leave for college? Brazen it out and if they hear us, tough?

I'd be grateful for any practical suggestions or general sympathy.

It's a good idea, reeling. I am also an advocate of that trusty sex aid for parents: Vaseline. On the door knobs.

I thought * was for the under 25's only. Are we still meant to do that stuff over 25?

in fact....just the other day - they both went out to their brothers - dh came home early from work - we grabbed the opportunity.

no sooner than we had jumped in bed than there was a knock at the door

i answered door in my dressing gown - the kids both said "MUM!"

i said " bloody hell can't you give us 10 mins!"

cue ds ridiculing dh " only 10 mins dad...hahahaha, is that 'cos your old"

I'm sure the last 9 mins were only necessary to get your clothes back on - correct?

yeah pretty much

Goddamm....we have door handles so Vaseline wouldn't work.
Luckily the problem is nearly over..
DD and DS1 are gorn
But we still have DS2 at home.

He's 16 and never gets up before midday at the weekend.

So true

Shame you don't have door knobs though- it totally foxed my 15 yr old dss

we dont have door handles at all - weird house.

and dd had a habit of just walking in the bedroom...until recently

she now shouts 'are you decent'

You can get internal bolt thingies to keep the doors shut. I recommend loud music to soothe family sensibilities, if not the neighbours. I think the use of Vaseline on the knob would trigger too many prurient enquiries.

In my defence, the vaseline thing came about to stop my youngest (autistic) daughter getting into dss's bedroom. We realised how effective it was when dss couldn't open it to go to bed

We do it in the garage sometimes, but you do have to be careful.

I was sort of bending forwards (over the bikes), DP behind, I put my foot against the bottom of the garage door for access and stability and the door swung open.

We live in a suburban close.

We have the v. creaky bed + teenager with flapping ears.

Plus a nightowl mother aged 82 (with excellent hearing) who normally goes to bed around 4.00am.

I always have to pee immediately after sex to avoid cystitis (sorry TMI ).

On the rare occasions we get jiggy these days, (usually during the god-forsaken drink-fuelled wee small hours after DS has fallen asleep) Aged Mama is ALWAYS there in the bathroom or hovering nearby.

I have to avoid her beady eyed smirks as I wobble past, dishevelled, flushed and reeking of lust, with mascara down my cheeks, clutching a towel around me.

She will then gently remind me that it is a SCHOOL night, I have Uni in the morning and I really ought to get some sleep because it's 3.30am.

DH makes often decides to do a post-coital Tarzan yodelling and chest beating routine as well, which is not exactly discreet.

we just do it

the kids know to leave us alone

Just very glad to hear someone is getting some! Don't deprive yourselves of one of the best experiences there is through inhibition. You can't change your attitude to wanting to have sex, so convince yourselves that the teenagers can cope. It'll be them one day! Make it about what you need, not what they don't! Enjoy...

I went away for couple of nights as I have long distance dp so met him at airport had a couple of days/nights together then came back to mine

it had been long time since we saw each other and well not lot of sleeping went on.

Next morning ds1 said can't you to keep it down a bit and maybe next time stay longer at the hotel till you finshed saying hello

our faces well,mind lol did not stop us but we was bit quieter

No helpful comments to add but Grimblefreud that is one of the funniest things I've read for a long time

I now have the Benny Hill music playing in my head. And lol out Tarzan yodelling.

There really is no other way we can arrange the house - ours is the only room that will take a double bed. Luckily, DD spends a couple of nights at her dad's so we have at least those nights when she's not trundling through for drinks or god knows what at all hours.

Thanks for making me It's good to know I'm not alone and it could be worse - we could have my mum living with us too like MrsFlittersnoop ( @ Tarzan yodelling).

I know we just need to be less coy and get on with it. One time they heard us and grumbled I said, 'oh well, some kids have to listen to their parents arguing all the time so count yourselves lucky.' Facing them afterwards is no problem, it's when we're in the middle of things and suddenly hear them trundling about. We just freeze.

Thanks for the helpful suggestions. Here's my action plan -

1. Get a new bed. Ours is very old and squeaky.

2. Get a new stereo for the bedroom.

3. DP to have a man-to-man chat with DS over a game of pool (he's offered). He's going to have a more general chat with him about sticking to arrangements he's made as he's taking the piss in this area anyway, so DP's going to also mention our need for some private time to be respected. I had a bit of a chat with DD last summer and will remind her again. Would it be reasonable to ask DC to text us before they come home unexpectedly?

4. Get a big sign for the bedroom door that says 'DANGER! KEEP OUT! Mummy and DP are playing tigers'
   

When secular sister and her husband come to stay or when we go on holiday together we sometimes have stereo creaking beds and a queue for the "clean-up" visit to the bathroom.

When the children were still at home we had private time and they came into our bedroom at their peril. I can only remember getting caught twice (sober that is)!

This thread has made me

We are in the v v small window where all the DCs (3, 5 and under) are in bed by 7:30-8ish AND sleeping through (sometimes). Good to be reminded to make the most of it!

(Although need also to remember to put nightclothes back on, as we always wake up in the morning with more people in the bed than we started with!)

Why do you need to put nightclothes on?

We've both slept naked the whole of our married life, surely it should be normal for children to see their parents naked in bed?

Ah, a sex thread wouldn't be complete without one of your terrifying mental images, Mal

BOF

So the mental image of a naked me is terrifying? Gee, thanks .

I'm hurt, but too full of fudgecake and ice cream to cry lest I should vomit .