dp ex stopped him from seeing his kids

[sheepgomeep]

Please bear with me this might get a bit long and a bit rambly
My new dp has two girls by an ex girlfriend who are are aged 3 and 2. He split up with her about 15 months ago after a volatile relationship, from what I've heard from him she was a complete bitch to him. Anyway he has always maintained regular contact ith his kids.He would see them when he could which was once or twice a week and he would pay her maintenance too. He started having them over night at her house so she could go out. She stopped this because he accidently left her kitchen window open and didn't tidy the house for her. She threatened that unless he found somewhere else to have them overnight he would be denied contact.

So I offered to have them at mine every fri night which we started doing. I didn't mind at all and it waas fun for my kids. My dp was happy as it meant he got to see his kids and it also meant his girls got into a regular routine about seeing him.

His ex girl friend has stopped him from seeing his kids ever again because she refused to meet him half way about dropping the kids off. (she only lives in the next village!) one week I was going to pick them up ad the next she was supposes to drop them off. She refused this week and there was a huge row. He is between jobs at the mo and cant afford to give her much this week which she saw her arse about. She told him she wanted extra money for school uniform but dp found out she wanted the money for a trip to blackpool

She made the kids say goodbye to him on his voice mail then said 'fuck you that was your last goodbye. It has really really upset him.

Whats really pissed him off is the fact that when he was in his last job he bought his girls brand new beds and new coats and loads of clothes for them. He was also paying above what the csa guidlines were for his earnings. We also always drop them back off for her on a sat morning too but she has disregarded this.

He is desperate and very unhappy, Is there any dads out there that have gone through something similar to my dp???? He's got a solicitors appt on Monday. She stopped him from seeing his kids last year because he wouldn't get back with her and he's also getting threats of violence from her brother as well

Can any one help .sorry about the mistakes in spelling etc. I'm having to type quick as he dosen't know i'm on here

Thanks

sorry to hear that he is having a tough time - no advice but think it is very important he sees a solicitor and gets is sorted legally. They will probably have good advice re the threats etc. If you are concerned then I would report the threats to the police.

More proof as to why it is very important that you are careful who you procreate with. Sorry no advice from me either best to see what the solicitor says.

solicitor will probably be able to get an emergency court hearing (sometimes this can be within the week but depends on how busy the court is) where he will be able to say what has been happening and he will probably get a court order for some sort of contact. cafcass will probably get involved, they mediate between the parents and if agreement cannot be reached they prepare a report for a final hearing where the judge decides how much contact he should have long term (may be different from anything awarded at an emergency hearing) and also silly issues like who picks them up can be put in a court order so there is no way she can make things difficult. of course she can go against the court order but that would be very stupid of her - my friends x wife has been threatened with custody being awarded to him if she messes about again so there are things in place to help. i would suggest he sits down with you and write down everything that has happened so he can give it to his solicitor who will probably want to write a statement on his behalf. the faster he can do a statement the faster he will get to court. it sounds like it may make things a lot easier in the long run anyway, though it is tough while you are going through it.

i am not a solicitor btw but have been through the mill with my x who has been a complete idiot so i know a bit about it. hth

HI Sheepy, what an awful woman. My dh had to get a Court Order so that he could see his dd. It really isn't a pleasant experience for anyone involved, and if there is any way you can sort this out without having to go to Court then try to. Dh's x lives a hour and a half's drive away and in 5 years she has never offered to meet him half way, and has only once dropped dd off when she was coming to her family anyway, so if this is just about who collects/drops off the kids, as unfair as it might seem, it would be worth him doing all the running around rather than not see his kids, and have to go to Court.

It does sound though like she uses different excuses to stop contact, and this isn't on, and a Court Order would hopefully help. DH's x has never gone against the Court Order, so things really settled down once he got that - at least as far as regular contact was concerned. The Court do try to get you to sort things out without a Court Order, but for dh it was impossible, his x would sit in Court and say she would make arrangements for contacts, but as soon as they were out of the Court she would refuse to speak to him and refuse to answer her phone.

I would advise you too to write everything that's happened down, and keep recording things as they happen. DH was assaulted by his x and her new partner, and was also sent threatening texts. Each time he reported it to the police, because it just added weight to his case.

If there's anything you'd like to know about the process just ask. And tell your dp that even if takes a Court Order for him to see his kids again, he will, so hang on in there.

Thanks for the reasurance, its good to know that at least one way or another he will be able to see his kids again. I don't think that my dp can do much more, everytime she agrees to stick to something she moves the goal posts and uses stupid reasons to stop him seeing his girls. Shes only 20 (dp is 24) and a very immature 20 year old. We've dropped them off on occaision only to find her not there, she will then text him to say that shes gone out for the day, or she will text an hour before they are due back to say can we drop them off later, I see my arse because it makes me late for work.

Thanks again