does 'relationships' include relationships with our kids?
dd is 25 and almost phobic about me. i can't understand why we can't just get on (but maybe I'm talking rubbish here). I'm not sure what to do as she constantly sets me up (I walk into it every time) and has a profound hatred for me. she knows what to do to cause me maximum pain and, as she sets the traps that I walk into each time, she looks the injured party. she has hurt me very much indeed - can't go into detail - yet her campaign shows no sign of abating: it looks like this is a pattern for life and she needs to scapegoat me in order to feel settled in herself. that may be ok for the short term but it definitely isn't ok for the long term - for either her or me.
she is psychologically vulnerable and now and again pulls out the "I'm going to kill myself" card. It is impossible not to respond as that is a terrifying prospect to me as a mother. I know she's got me dangling on the end of a piece of string but I have no idea how to alter the dynamic. I am dragged this way and that, she infects a wide circle with her hatred (of me), constantly setting me up. It seems that the only thing I can do to minimise the damage is to bow to her demands. I haven't so far but the pressure is unrelenting and I am getting ragged (though often resolute and ok too, not ultimately bowed by it), not to mention lacking in support (thin on the ground) as I do so look like the villain a lot of the time.