For people who have/had great mums...

[WriterofDreams]

Following on from the thread about whether you are more or less understanding about how your mum treated you, I was wondering, for those who were very happy with their childhoods, what stands out as the most important things that your mother did to make you happy?

I feel a bit less understanding about how my mum treated me as she was very closed off emotionally. I do worry a little that I will make some of the same mistakes with my son (who is currently only 3 weeks old). I suffer quite a bit with anxiety and I am aware that I can sometimes get caught up with trivial details and ridiculous worries that might stand in the way of enjoying my son and developing a good relationship with him. I want to be able to focus on the things that are truly important in the hope of quelling those silly fears. I know from my own childhood that despite the fact I was very well fed, and didn't want for anything the lack of a true emotional connection with my mother left a huge gap in my life. So intend to focus on developing that with my little man. But what else is important? For those who didn't have a good childhood, what stands out as the ways in which your parents failed you?

my mum raised me to be very very independent but at the same time feel loved and supported.

she always encouraged me to do scary things, she always hid her own worries and would always say things like 'of course you won't be homesick, you'll be having too much fun' when i went off to brownie camp first time.

i was such an independent child that it must have hurt her at times, but i was so secure in her love and acceptance that i took it/her for granted as a child. i would love for my own children to be the same.

That's really lovely fluffles, and shows great maturity on your mum's part. My mum always complained I was too independent but I think I became that way out of necessity as I felt I couldn't depend on her. To be able to truly let your children go, giving them real independence while at the same time making them feel supported is a great achievement :)

My mum always gave me her time to sit and read a book or play a game and I try to do the same with my children now. She was never too busy to sit and spend time with me. The housework always waited!

My mum always gave me lots of her time, even when she was busy (which was most of the time as she worked FT) and never made me feel my worries were insignificant - she would always talk to me patiently about things that upset me and never fob me off.

She always had a cuddle and a kind word for me, however busy she was.

Also I felt she always 'had my back' and if I was right, would defend me no matter what. However I also knew that if I was wrong, she wouldn't hesitate to tell me.

And she made me believe I was wonderful, beautiful, unique and special. She loved clothes, and was always immaculately dressed. I get my interest in clothes from her although am nowhere near so well turned out :)

I honestly couldn't have wanted for a better mum, I know I often fall a long way short with my own DC.

I think that the bottom line is that my mum is always there for me. As a child, I truly believed that there was no problem that was too big or too small for her and that she could fix anything. I actually think that lots of the stuff you can do as a parent doesn't matter that much - it is the big picture - if I had a problem, I knew that she would help me sort it out - she would always help me and always love me no matter what. I have 3 siblings as well.

Particularly when we were teenagers, my friends started keeping secrets from their mums, terrified of an angry reaction (& sanctions), but I never needed to keep secrets from my mum.

My best memory is taking all my mom's blankets, garden chairs, any light enough to move chairs, etc, outside on the grass, and building a "house" with tunnels, rooms, etc and having a picnic in there for the day.
It was brilliant, and for some odd reason she never complained or even mentioned the time it must have taken her to get all the grass bits out again!

Also baking together, getting everything covered in chocolate batter, including our faces and most of the kitchen. It never even occurred to me that we might be creating extra work for her - it was just exciting and fun, and she made us feel like we were ever so creative.

I grew up thinking that there were no limits to what you could achieve, as long as you chose what you find interesting, not what others expect you to.

So in short, even though we had strict rules on certain things (bed time, eating veg, school work, language, respect etc), we had the freedom to just "be". We very, very rarely did any organised activities, but I remember painting at my mom's feet whilst she worked on the sewing machine, reading, puzzles, just knowing my mom was there. I think it was great for encouraging creativity.

I wish I could be more like her - I think I try to plan too much and get stressed about the small things.

My mum was amazing and since she died I keep remembering all the times I must have hurt her by my thoughtlessness.She flew out to Sierra Leone where dh was working to be with me when ds was born.She bought our first car and gave us deposit for a house.She always told me that as children grow up,'If you want to keep them you have to let them go.'
She was always there,her face was so soft-it makes me cry to remember; I miss her so very much.

Yes, like orangepoo, knowing my mom loved us unconditionally made me feel safe and secure. I knew, especially when older, that choices we made might disappoint her, but I knew it wouldn't make a difference to her love for us. And because I'd never want hurt her, I tried my best not to make too many bad choices.

I always had a feeling of safeness, I still do now, I know that any problem I have I can tell my mum and she'll help me.

She was always there when me and my brothers were young, always at any school thing, always there to collect us with hugs and wanting to hear about our day.

She raised us to be kind and considerate, to treat others how you'd wish to be treated yourself, never be nasty to anyone less fortunate than ourselves.

She is my best friend, the woman I love and respect most in the world, I really hope my Dd and I can have the same sort of relationship as my Dm and I have.