My DH and I have been together 25 years, we're both mid40s and have 2 DC. The youngest has autism and these has placed a lot of additional pressure on our marriage.
The past 2 years I have been working part-time (25 hours a week) and my DH has been working in a stressful full-time job. Although it is demanding (but no more demanding than many others) it is in his chosen profession that he loves. He often complains about how difficult he finds his life, how stressed out he is etc. He has very little energy and does virtually nothing to help around the house.
Since last June he started having problems sexually. He can get an erection but can't maintain it when penetrating me. I don't think it's physical because he can get aroused, and ejaculate just not in me. I'm almost certain that he isn't having an affair but you never know. So clearly this problem isn't one that is going to go away on it's own but he refuses to see either a doctor or a counsellor.
Last night he tried again and couldn't manage. He got in a total strop about it, saying that his life is totally shit, it's all just work, work, work, he gets no pleasure out of life and so on. I have done my utmost to be completely understanding, have never put pressure on him and now I've just had enough. I feel totally rejected as a woman. It's not even about the sex, it's about feeling that even my own husband doesn't desire me.
My DH blames the job stress for everything but I think he using that as an excuse. It's possible he's depressed or just doesn't fancy me anymore. But I can't bear the thought of living like this indefinitely. I have thought about separation. I don't want to give up without trying but how long do you give it if the other person won't make any efforts to address their own issues?