Its over but I cant stand the thought of him being with someone else

[ohnelly]

DP and I have decided to split up, we just are not getting on, there is no-one else involved. I know that deep down I just dont love him any more.
We have two boys aged 5yrs & 9months, I feel stuck in a rut after putting loads of weight on in the last year - I am the biggest I have ever been, and dont even want to go out anywhere as I feel so fat and horrible & none of my clothes fit me. Dp on the other hand has been going to the gym & lost about 4 stone over the last year & is enjoying going out with his friends.
I have just found out that he and one of his friends are organising a 'boys' weekend away to benidorm & we all know what goes on on these sort of weekends, though he just says he's going for a laugh.
I feel so angry that I just want to never speak to him again, and cant stand the thought of him shagging other women while im stuck at home with the kids. I cant afford to go anywhere on holiday. I know that I still have to have him in my life because of the children, and that is whats so hard. In the past if I split from a partner, I could just cut myself off from them completely. I really want to try & be reasonable for the childrens sake but am finding this so hard - any advice pls

Reach out for help for what is presumably depression that you are suffering? GP? SureStart?

Ask him to reconsider his attitude to you, his children and his life? Why did he agree to have children if he didn't want to parent them?

You will feel angry and jealous for a while. Do something positive, however small, for yourself and for your kids.

Is there a skill you always wanted to develop that you can do from home? (I bought myself a teach yourself Arabic course that I could not afford for £30 for New Year.) Take small steps towards the life you want, and you will meet similar people along the way.

Is he paying child support? Does he take on childcare? Can you get away to an old friends (without kids) for a weekend? Can he baysit while you take up a dance class?

Cut yourself some slack, you have HAD A BABY you are going to be overwieght and stress does not help. Make the most of what you have. Paint your toenails. It'll drop off when you get more relaxed. What makes you think he will pull? What makes you think you are not as attractive? I met an male old friend the other day who was adamant that I hadn't changed a bit, except got wiser (I'm much greyer and have was size 10 when I last saw him and am now size 18!) Smile and be positive, I think your attitude will show through.

As a recently separated guy the last thing I want to do right now is shag.

The whole thing would seem pretty meaningless and just be a reminder of where I am now in life.

Sex with someone who couldn't care less about you. No thanks. I reckon I need 6 months - 1 year to sort my head out.

The women at work the moment you remove your ring all start talking and word comes back about a queue forming but realistically a colleague is the worst person for a one off shag at anytime.

Hey all thanks for replies - posted this last night after a few drinks so was feeling sorry for myself. I think I am depressed from the crap relationship, we were living in the same house as neither of us could afford to move out. Anyway this morning I asked him to leave & hes gone to stay with a friend until he finds somewhere.
I dont know if I am going to be able to afford to live here without him so I am going to ring housing benefit etc on monday & see if I am entitled to any help. He will give me money for the children, I know that much, just got to take one day at a time I suppose