yuck!! just yuck!!

[ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo]

what the fuck is wrong with my mum???

she called in this evening to to tell me some bad news about my cousin. before she got up to go she threw out a quick "you're a bit down" in the most accusatory tone she could find. except she picked the wrong night for it and i burst into tears told her i was fed up with everything, fed up being alone, being in the house all day, having no money, no friends, the lot. "are you depressed?" she says. well done mother, blue peter badge is on it's way . but did she move of the sofa and come to give me a hug? did she put her arm around me and tell me it would be ok? did she fuck!! she reels back holds her hands to her sides, shrugs her shoulders and says,

"well what do you want ME to do?"

what is wrong with her? twice in the last 6 months i have broken down on front of her. the first time, she left the room and this time she makes me feel guilty for telling her how i felt.

I really think the GP is a good idea

People are complex and mothers are no exception! Have you spoken to your GP? Would the GP be able to offer some counselling?

Gosh Boo I've seen you on other threads and you normally seem really strong and have sooo much sense and compassion to offer others.
Sorry you're feeling so down.
About being in the house and no friends I'm sure you could work on that? As others have said why not link up on a local mnet group? Other groups?
No money is crap and can really drag you down over time, but even little treats can help you feel a bit better sometimes.
Does your DM have any redeeming features? Would she give you a break and have DCs for the day?

Mothers are often jealous of their daughters which royally fucks up the relationship.

Do not ask me how I know!!

no, i haven't spoken to the GP but i think i really will have to. i have been putting it off for too long now.

i already meet with a group of MNers, when we can organise ourselves to pick a date and venue .

i have just been trawling through teh NM notice board to see what M&T groups are on locally so i will try and get to a couple next week.

wow, being a bit hard on the mum because she's not touchy-feely or a hugger. What kind of upbringing did she have that makes it so hard for her to be "hands on". maybe it's not her fault. its very very hard to do the hugging, tactile thing if you're just not that way. She probably feels terrible that OP is down and even more terrible that she's not being supportive in the way that is demanded.

where did i demand anything?

I feel for you. She regularly tears me down "for a laugh," I've lost count of the amount of times when I've had down & lonely moments, but she regularly calls me a bad mother for not having the same coping mechanisms as her.

She insults all my friends, my baby's father, she's sometimes so vile to my dad for no reason that I just don't want to know her.

I make sure I'm the exact opposite with my son, he'll grow up knowing every day just how loved & supported he is.

x

OP my heart goes out to you.
My mum never hugged or spoke affectionately.

It caused me a lot of stress as I grew up.
She also reacted negatively to my nervous breakdown after Dad died.

Over the last couple of years I've realised that she did the best she could with what she had. It wasn't her nature to do anything different.

I've stopped being resentfull and have managed to forge a new relationship with her.

Things have changed so much that when I had a recurrence of depression last year her response was very kind and loving.

I do love her and I know she loves me, I wish it had been like that growing up, but it wasn't and i've accepted that.

child i feel the same. i love my mum and i know she loves me. i rarely ever need any form of emotional propping from her but i am just so gutted that the two times i have, she has just not been there. i think i just ned to accept that i wont get that from her.

It's sad your mother can't help you but you will feel less upset about it after a few weeks on anti-depressants. They can be a great help in changing one's life, and without the depression you will be able to appreciate the good things about your relationship.
I'd make a GP appointment if I were you. Best wishes.

My mum is lovely but has alos no idea how to comfort me. When I tell her my problems she says ''well I can't do anything about that.'' All I want is a hug or her to say ''everything will be ok.'' it's a bit rubbish and I do hope that I will be able to comfort dd if she needs it.