Parental responsibility

[meandmyfour]

Hi there,I'd really appreciate your thoughts as I can't seem to get a clear answer from any professional person! Last week after another hideous scene between my ex partner and I, he turned up at my son's school in the middle of the day and demanded to take him. The school rang me, not because they were obliged to but because they knew we were separated and that things had been unpleasant between us. We've never been married, his name is on the birth certificate but my son was born in July 2003 before the parental responsibility law change in Dec 2003. Basically, the school said they had no power to stop him taking our son out without a court order, is this true?? I was sure that the advice I was given a year ago by a solicitor was that I had complete parental responsibility and that my son couldn't be taken anywhere without my permission. My children live with me and me ex refuses to contribute financially.

Can anyone give me a definite answer as to whether he's allowed to just turn up and take him without my authorization? Thank you very much. Also, because there have now been three police call outs in the last year we have now been given a marac referral...can anyone tell me what I can expect to happen as a result?

ThanksX

Hello, I'm a family lawyer and agree with your solicitor a year ago. If you've never been married to your ex and your child's birth was registered pre December 2003, there's no court order or agreement in place between you re parental responsibility, then you alone have PR for your son. The school is wrong to allow your ex to collect him.

Yes, your lawyer and Rollercoaster are right :) he has no right at all to take your child. The school need to be made aware of this.
A MARAC referral means he will be discussed at a big multi agency meeting where they, police SS and other agencies, will decide what risk he is and what can be done if anything, this may be offering you support, a marker on your house or warning him maybe. hth :)

You might want to get your solicitor to write a short letter to your ex and to the school (send by recorded delivery and ask for acknowledgment) setting out that you alone have pr and that ex has no legal right to take him.... does he have any contact? is that problematic? if so he has no "right" to contact save as agreed between you (preferably in writing if he is difficult) or as ordered by a court. should matters end up in court you should ask for a residence order (an order stating that ds resides with you). hth.

thank you SO much for your replies. The school did not think they had the right to stop him so allowed my son to be taken out for the afternoon. It was very distressing. The police were called for advice but they came and agreed with the head that unless a court order was in place that nothing could be done. I knew they were wrong!! Thank you for confirming this for me. I'm going to see a solicitor on Monday and control freak, will take your advice about sending a letter to the school and him. I was also considering applying for a non molestation order but am unsure..maybe I could try a solicitor's letter first and see if that does the trick? He's basically not accepting the end of the relationship and there have been many horrendous scenes over the last year. He refuses to acknowldege that his behaviour is very frightening, even if it is just shouting and screaming and endless phonecalls. I'm recovering from treatment for breast cancer and the stress has been immense.

oh op it all sounds dreadful. v good plan to get some advice. definitely ask about a non molestation injunction if he is hassling and stressing you. also ask solicitor to explain orders available under the Children Act 1989: residence, contact and prohibited steps orders. the last of these forbids a person from ie removing or attempting to remove a child from you / the school (unless for agreed contact etc). you shouldn't have to put up with this nonsense and it can't be good for youu or ds. good luck.

while it is correct legally that he cant, withut your say so, if he has previously picked him up in past years then you can see why school may be unclear...

now you do need to write to school and spell out that only you have PR and only you (and name someone else who can in an energency) pick up child. it does mean that if you do change at last minute or are running late or whatever, that you need to call school etc

Apply for the non-molestation order. It's pointless trying to softpedal with a wanker like this man - he is not going to behave reasonably because he is not reasonable so you need to use all the legal heavy-hitting you can so that the next time he behaves like a dick the police can come and remove him and throw him straight in the cells (rather than standing around wringing their hands and saying 'Well unless there's a court order...)
Sorry you are having to put up with this.

I have to agree with the above poster. There are some things thaty demand you hit him with both barrels, and this is one. I'd apply for a prohibited steps order and a non-molestation order too.

Thank you, you're probably right. I will see what the solicitor suggests on Monday.

Thanks cestlavielife...yes, he's picked our son up a lot in the past at the end of the school day and that's normally fine but on this occasion it was only half past twelve and so very disruptive for our son to be taken out of class for no good reason.