Fed up with Partner feels like when I got divorced.....

[Scruffyhound]

I have been putting feelings off for a while now. Im 7 months pregnant and have been with my partner for 3 yrs. My DS from my ex husband lives with us they get on fine. I find partners behaviour very negative at times. I have my own house to move back to (if I needed). I have lived as a single mum and have not enjoyed it really. I worked full time and kept my house running and looked after DS who was 2. I dont want that again well the being on my own bit! I certainly dont want to be a mum of 2 by two different people and having to juggle weekends with the kids. Im sorry if that offended anyone Im just not that good at dealing with it. Last night I was sorting out the shopping and I said will get some seperate softner for the baby clothes. He spoke to me as if it was my fault and in a negative tone and said we have to wash the baby clothes seperate? As if it was my fault! I was so mad. I also would not mind but he never puts a wash load in!! I have washed my DS baby clothes with seperate softner/liquid. As I get some skin irritations and was worried my DS might suffer from this too. My DP has not had children before and I understand that and us women worry more but its the attitude. All this for some frikin £1 softner. This seems very stupid but I feel Im going mad I seem to be the only one that seems to need to get things done. I asked him if he had even looked at an information on baby being born or how baby is growing or what we need. He said no there is no need I will in 3 months thats when the baby is freakin due!!! WTF! If he bothered to look at some information about it all maybe I would not be as bothered. It feels like the last time I was pregnant and my (now ex husband) did not bother either then when DS came he still did not bother that much Im scared of the same thing again... I cant cope with it happening again. Are all men this selfish and just let the woman deal with it? Or is it the fact we carry the baby so nothing seems real until baby is born? But whoever we are dont we need to be prepared?

Oh, you sound like my sister

Am not sure why you had that 'disagreement' to be frank. Did he tell you not to be so stupid or something? Is he implying that you are being too precious about your son's laundry.

It does make me laugh sometimes how things like this pop up and then they become something! Hes just worried about money its tight at the moment and that fine but It the taking it out on me attitude thats narks me as if its all my fault! My DS is now 5yrs old and wash his stuff with mine. I was worried about the baby clothes its not due for a bit but wanted to get stuff in ready. That was all. I just know whats ahead and want to be ready if baby comes I like to be ready. If it was up to DP we would be shopping whist Im in labour for nappies and stuff. I think a head I have to. It was the tone in which he said it. As if well the baby is in you and its your fault its there and its now going to cost me extra money attitude. We did not plan the baby and it did not come at a great time. But it took two of us not just me. He was very happy when he found out and was really proud so god knows...... a mans perspective would be interesting. Pass my reagards onto your sister!

Op, I really don't think this is something you need to worry about too much !If you explained to him why the babys clothes needed to be washed seperately and he didnt continue to argue about it after that then I would just mark it down as 'one of those things'. With regards to him being disinterested in the babys development, I think this is quite typical of a lot of men during pregnancy. My dh was a bit like this, didn't really know much about the 'science' part of it all and although he did read some of the pregnancy books that was only because I made him do so! Once the baby was born, he was a hands on dad. I know what it's like though, when your pregnant certain situations do tend to get elevated and it's frustrating when you feel like your partner doesn't understand what you're going through.

From a male point of view. its very hard to visualize the baby until it is hear. My wife use to watch all the baby programmes and still does (One born every minute). and she gets upset that I do not find it interesting like her. I dont no why, may be because I am not the one giving birth.

I bet your husband is very interested in the baby coming but finds it hard also to visualise. as you said, you still have 3 months to go.

Also why cant you wash all clothes together in the same conditoner? We had to change our soap powder so we use the same on all our clothes.

And i bet that he gets fed up with you saying "u dont know, you havent had a child like me". Instead re-assure him and teach him now how to do some stuff - i.e preapre the bottles, sterilize them etc.

what did people do in the days before fabric softener was invented or baby information booklets were made. it sounds like you are being hypersensitive possibly due to the pregnancy hormones.

you OH doesn't really NEED to read up on stuff about the baby. if babies needed an instruction manual to work evolution would have provided them with one from the womb. of course some people find it a comfort and a reassurance to read up loads about everything - particular things like childbirth.

sorry but have you ever thought the issue might have been you and not your ex or current partner? sorry if that sounds harsh but nothing you have described sounds outrageous or unreasonable in their behaviour.

I asked him if he had even looked at an information on baby being born or how baby is growing or what we need.

I have to admit that I dodn't look at much to do with babies before our son was born.

I was given a book by someone at work, but I really felt that I wanted to experience it all for myself, not through the filter of someone else's experiences. Does that make sense?

Not sure if that applies here. Certainly it didn't bother my wife at all; as long as I was there to massage her back, make her cups of tea and do things around the house, she was happy.