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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is old flame being economical with the truth? Does it matter?

3 replies

QueenofWhatever · 20/01/2011 12:53

A few months ago I got in contact again with someone from my past on facebook. I friended him when I saw him on an old friend's profile and apart from a brief hello e-mail, haven't been in contact.

We're both in our forties and I knew him in my late teens/early twenties through the music we were into and bands etc. We lived in different cities, but he used to come to where I live every six to nine months and twice we got it together.

I knew (via our mutual friend) that he liked me when we first met, but I was going out with the mutual friend at the time.

So a couple of weeks ago he posted a link to a band I used to love saying how great they were. I sent him an e-mail saying good link, how are you etc.

Since then we've been e-mailing and chatting online for a couple of hours several times a week. He lives in France and is divorced with two kids. He is coming over next month to see family and has arranged to come and see me for a couple of days.

I have no idea how he sees this, it's been friendly and chatty more than full-on flirty. So he told me he worked over there and is looking for a new job, but posted on a friend's wall that he was unemployed. I e-mailed him saying 'which is it' and he said yes, contract coming to an end, so I will be unemployed.

Am I over-reacting in thinking he's not being straight? My ex was very abusive and lied from day one, so I am hyper sensitive to being mislead. I also have no radar as to whether he likes me?

Any advice?

OP posts:
Thingumy · 20/01/2011 12:57

How is he misleading you?

I would save judgement until you meet.

You seem to want more from him than friendship tbh.

lazarusb · 20/01/2011 17:02

Take off the rose coloured glasses and look at this as an outsider. Someone you had a brief fling with years ago has got in contact. He lives in another country but would like to see you when he visits the UK soon.
Can you just take it as that for the moment, see how you get on when you meet? I don't want to sound harsh but I think you are running before you can walk. You appear to be trying to decide if there is some sort of romantic/sexual potential here before you have re-established your friendship.
I know that I would be doing the same as you are now and over analysing this rather than just taking it a step at a time. Take a breath and see what happens. Fwiw, I don't think there was intentional deceit in his job related comment.

QueenofWhatever · 20/01/2011 20:42

Thank you, think I just need a bit of reality. I've spent the last ten days in bed with a chest infection and my grip on normality is loosening!

I think the reason I queried it is just there's been a couple of other small things where he's not been clear, nothing major. I know my laser is set to stun, so am overthinking it a bit.

OP posts:
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