(Slight varation of sex themed issues!) : Not much sex at all but we both still fancy each other (or say we do) and seemingly not bothered by the lack of it but think we are bothered secretly...

[pipkin35]

Am browsing others posts with interest hoping one will 'sound' like my 'issue' but none does just yet so am posting me own.

Background - cos I'd really like some advice/opinions.

Been with OH 13 years. Totally fancied him and went for looks and personaility over everything else - actually, over some things that am not regretting a bit - lack of drive/ambition but hey ho that's a different topic!

Got 2 small DC's - so am aware that doesn't help but still...Most evenings we have free though no family/regualr babysitters so please no suggestions of 'nights out' since that's not a huge option for us.
OH would rather play his PS3, favourite activity. Next best thing would be for me to play it with him, but although I have before - it's not my bag!
I will read/cook/make lists etc...then we settle down together and watch a bit of TV and have a chat etc....Pretty cuddly and good communication. We often say: "We really should be having more sex, x, y, z" and never get around to it - I'm usually the one that brings this topic up.

Only actually have living room to 'do it in' since bedroom occupied with kids.

If I am out or he is out, and we inquire what the other one has done - if I ask - he will say that he looked at 'the internet' (IYGMD) - which I don't really mind cos I might sometimes have a lil look too, though hardly ever these days. It really isn't a massive issue and something that he might do once a month if that.
He has a very low sex drive and is quite - how do I say it - passive in the bedroom dept - even before kids - it was always me instigating etc...now, this is something that I mind, but don't really feel i can change that much since it's been 13 yrs and the sex is fine, he's just no Tarzan type.

I guess, I just don't know how much the lack of is really affecting us?
What we should/could do to improve things?
How do you get the energy together to make it a priority?!

I think you've got to use it or lose it with sex. Sometimes the more you have, the more you want, it's just a case of getting the ball rolling in the first place iyswim! Maybe suggest a date night, cook something lovely, dress up, watch a slushy film together and go for it. Then do the same again the following week until it becomes a habit.

I'd be bothered about the internet usage if it's instead of sex. How often do you currently have sex? If it's less than once a month I'd be concerned that the internet was more frequent for him..

How about getting the kids out of your bedroom so you have it back to yourselves?

Then have an early night once or twice a week to reconnect - he should also have more of an appetite for sex in the mornings too, as that's when men's testosterone peaks.
Having children in bed with you ruins intimacy , in the long term.