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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Anyone else been made out to be the bad guy?

2 replies

Anngeree · 18/01/2011 22:05

Bit of a rant..... sorry
History - Two years ago someone I classed as a really good friend decided to play matchmaker and set me up with an old aquaintance of hers. The person was made out to be the next best thing to sliced bread (Had been a teacher of older children was now a chef really nice genuine guy etc).I wasn't particularly interested in having a relationship with anyone as I really enjoy it just being ds and me I also value my independence but thought why not my friend has my best interests at heart this guy sounds ok! Anyway the relationship didn't work out due to xp behaviour had really unrealistic expectations sometimes behaved very strangely (I later found out he had learning difficulties and so called friend had chose not to tell me). XP went round spreading all sorts of lies/half truths and the same so called friend chose not to speak to me for almost 2yrs totally ignored ds and myself even though she is ds' godmotherAngry she hasn't given a reason why she chose to do this and hasn't asked for my version of events eitherShock. I simply ended a relationship that wasn't right for me, I wasn't nasty. I actually felt quite sorry for xp as at the end of the day he only wanted the same as anyone else to be loved and accepted. That was until he started his campaign of harrassment (silent phone calls, driving past when collecting ds from school even sitting outside my house watching me leave one morning) eventually I had to report him to the police but I still held my tounge did not get in touch with so called friend and tell her the situation as she had decided not to talk to me so I wasn't going to be the one to make eht first move!
Anyway this has all come to a head as so called friend found out that ds has been poorly for a number of weeks and she phoned the other day trying to be all friendly apparently I'm supposed to know what i've doneHmm but she didn't want to discuss it wanted to move on and offered to do anything to helpShock. My response to this was to tell her how hurt and betrayed she had made me feel and that I had managed without her for nearly 2yrs so would manage without her for a lot longerAngry
I followed this up by writing to her and explaining things from my point of view but she sent letter back without reading it Angry
I know i'm better off without someone in my life who finds it so easy to judge without knowing the full facts but still feel really hurt and frustated that i'm being blamed for the situation and she hasn't even had the decency to tell me what i'm meant to have done so I can't justify or deny itAngry

OP posts:
Seabright · 18/01/2011 22:12

I would re-post the letter, in a typed envelope, so it looks official and she opens it. I bet she'd read it then, human nature.

poolet · 18/01/2011 22:19

Oh yes, I feel your frustration - I started a thread about the anger I feel toward my ex and his family after our separation.

It's so unfair. You were absolutely right to end the relationship and it must have been terrifying for you to be stalked and harassed after it was over.

You've explained the situation to your friend and it's her problem if she chose not to read your letter. She sounds like a selfish control freak who only wants your friendship on her terms. You are better off without her.

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