Where do I go from here?
Any advice gratefully received.
Ex-DH and I separated last February although he didn't leave the family house until September last year and in that time we lived separate lives, him living in loft, etc.
Have 3 children (nearly 11, 6.5 and nearly 2). When he left, he only took his clothes and the dvd player (bought the children another one in its place). Everything else in the house is still there. He moved in with a friend's house and then at Christmas moved in with his girlfriend, who also has a child of 15.
He has the children at the family house one night a week for a few hours doing the normal nightly routine ? bathing, dinner, reading, bed, etc. ? and has them, invariably, one night, over night, at the weekend ? normally a Friday. On a few occasions he or I have swopped Friday night for Saturday night for special occasions, birthdays, anniversaries, special parties, etc. and on one occasion I had them the whole weekend and he had them the whole following weekend.
When he first left, I did go and see a solicitor for legal advice (twice, each costing £50) but the advice she gave me wasn't very helpful. When I told my ex what she had said he and I would be entitled to, after telling her all the facts, he told me that his solicitor had told him something totally different. When I went back to see my solicitor and told her my ex had been told different advice, she apologised and said that, in fact, my ex-h was correct in what he had been told. Example: She told me that I could live in the family home with the 3 children and that I wouldn't be expected to sell the house until my youngest left full-time education. Because I have taken over paying the mortgage (although his name is still on the papers) she told me that he would be entitled to 30% and I would be entitled to 70% as and when I sold. My ex-h told me that his solicitor had said that, because he is paying me £450 a month child maintenance ? I get nothing as I work part-time and don't need/want his money for my upkeep ? this £450 a month actually goes towards heating/water/mortgage and in that case he is entitled to 50% of the equity as and when I sell.
When I told my solicitor this, she said "oh, hadn't thought of that!" Also, because he is living with a girl who has a daughter of her own, although this child isn't my husband's, he still has a responsibility towards that child.
So --- what advice exactly as I am asking here?
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How can I go about getting a legal separation order in place without involving a solicitor, or can't I?
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How do I apply to the courts for a divorce as there is no chance of us getting back together. I am not in any great rush, but feel that things needs to be brought to a resolution.
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Me and ex-h are happy with our agreement. He gives me £450 a month ? increasing with inflation ? and has the children one night at my house and one night over the weekend.
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I am going to suggest to my ex-h that I don?t have a problem with him having 50% of the equity in 14 years time (as youngest child is not yet 2) but, if I decide to sell the house before then (which I have every intention of doing ? possibly next year), I am going to suggest I give him 1/3rd leaving me 1/3rd and the children 1/3rd (which I will obviously use to re-house us). I am thinking of moving next year as this house still feels like the family home but with one major part missing ? the children's father. He is living with his girl friend in a housing association property. The nan lived with them but when she died (recently) they were able to take over the tenancy of this 3 bedroom property as she has a daughter and also my ex-h has the 3 children to stay overnight more than 52 times a year and the council where he lives (Tandridge) are very into fathers having as much contact with their children as possible.
Any advice gratefully received.
Anyone been through an amicable separation ? which ours is turning out to be ? although I am not that naïve to think that it couldn't turn nasty at any time.