am i still considered married???

[tinkerbell41]

hi,following on from my first thread i wanted to ask your opinion on this....

gym boy and me had a great weekend and he asked to come back in two weeks time when kids away again..i expected that that would be the last i heard of him til then-i know he only using me in a way but then isnt that what i,m doing to him???..
anyway he been the opposite of what i expected,very attentive,on phone/txting constantly and very chatty at gym..all good i thought-he says hes not looking for relationship etc and jokes about other girls but to be honest i really am begining to think thats rubbish,the more i get to know him the more i think thats hes been really badly hurt and is acting all macho...i,m happy to play the game,am enjoying the attention but think i have got my emotions in check and am not expecting anything to come of it-infact dont want anything to come of it just happy to have some fun for wotever length of time we 'see' each other then i,ll act the adult and move on...

anyway i got to gym this am and he came straight over and told me that there was a rummor going around that he was seeing a married woman i.e me!!!
i acted as cool as i could-he was flustered-and told him so what,i,m legally separated-he knew this-and anyway i thought he would enjoy havint the street cred!!(i wasnt serious-but he doesnt know that)i didnt stay after that,went straight to do my workout,he kinda hug around to talk to me but i made it obvious i was busy....

i am now very annoyed and feeling just a little bit judged....i spent a long time in an emotionally abusive marriage and have now been legally separated for nearly 3years....i,ve worked hard to rescue myself and kids from that whole situ and am trying hard to put my life back together both practically and emotionally....

i really dont care who knows i,ve been seeing him,its my life and my choice...but am i still considered married and if so then is it wrong for me to see someone else???
havent got divorced yet as ex said he wouldnt allow it,didnt want to go down the nasty desertion route for kids sake so i have just been waiting til i could do it as legally easily as poss...

am sitting here trying to resist sending him a shirty txt....should i or will i wait til he contacts me and when he does shall i say nothing or give off to him-after all i,ve nothing to lose,he can take me or leave me...

i keep planning on making a will but just never get round to it-will put it on my to do list and try and convince myself to actually do it.....

hes been txting this afternoon again.............

Tinkerbelle, I'm not pressuring you re. a will, if/when you need one, you know where I am.

I'd still be interested to know, though, whether you have a decree of judicial separation, because if you do, then you can get away with not doing a will, unless you want to appoint guardians.

I've been separated

see! told you this was your emotional hyped up state making it worse!!

Seriously though...go see a solicitor asap. You need to sort this side of things too

i know i need to get off my ass and go do something bout it but i just know what ex will do and just cant face it!!!!!!!

mchum-no pressure at all,please dont worry,your advice is great....and i will do something bout it soon,i did talk to solicitor bought it last year but she wanted to get family court sorted first and i never went back after that..

not sure bout a decree of j separation....i have had solicitor involved from start and i have residency order etc for kids but dont think i have that????

guess i,m going to have to bite the bullet and go get this started..i,m just really really scared how ex will react and thats what stops me doing anything-defo no thoughts of ever going back to him..

migc-i know your were RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!do you think all this attention is more than just his plan to get me into bed or is that just my wishful thinking...and do i really want more from this guy anyway????????

ta lemontree,that exaclty how i feel to ex to....awful to say but i even wished he would have an accident so i wouldnt have to deal with him any more...dont really want that for kids sake but when he kicking off i really wish i could walk away altogether!!!!

I have been separated for nearly 3 years - we are definitely never going to get back together, but neither of us has discussed or instigated divorce proceedings.
I, technically, am still married - but it is very much a technicality, and in reality I am separated and therefore completely free to do whatever I wish.

I am really surprised at anyone having an issue with this, it isn't like you are just splitting up and still living together - you are way down the line.

Live-in partners do not count unless the partner makes it absolutely clear and explicit that he wishes that partner to inherit/get monies. The authorities cannot just assume that if two people are cohabiting the relationship is necessarily a serious one- it might be, but they cannot know that for certain.
Getting married or making a will/statement of intentions known explicitly seems the obvious way forward.

I think it certain areas the opening poster would not be considered 'as married' e.g. benefits system. After all, you can be considered 'as married' by them if cohabiting so it makes sense that if formally married but NOT cohabiting with anybody you will be treated as a single person.
Legally, though, I think you are still married and, to be honest, I'd sort it out double quick and get a divorce ASAP.
You don't need the baggage; and like a lot of people have said, the default position may be that your estranged husband is considered as next-of-kin etc.
Remember, the golden rule is that authorities don't know ins-and-outs of people's personal lives and you've got to tell them.

ta guys again for your help..will seriously consider doing something about it as soon as i pluck up the courage...

on a positive note i,ve had a very interesting afternoon-fun had by all!!!
i even managed to have a quick chat bout no strings etc...am quite impressed at myself...now i just have to keep my brain in that frame of mind and looks like i,ll have a few weeks of fun for a change!!!!!

and a bit