Anyone been whisked off their feet...only to be disappointed years down the line?

[dontdillydally]

well that's me...10 years on and I look back and think how very, very rubbish! Apart from my gorgeous, beautiful ds

This is such a sad thread. Maybe little girls are fed too much romantic tosh. My DP is hopeless at compliments and not one to buy flowers. He certainly didn't sweep me off my feet, and we are totally and utterly different in many (most) ways. But he has always been great at housework, ironing, cooking, money, teamwork etc, which I felt was far more important! Maybe that lack of expectation (of romance) has led to us being very happy together - so far...

Cretaceous you have I think hit hte nail on the head:

Postivies are: Great no unstated this he is an amazing father, does housework without having to ask, shopping again without having to ask, looked after me when I was ill (hosp op), washes, irons, does school run, even toddler groups when DS was young, great socialiser, well liked, good/hard worker

Also another post said perhaps he's sectrative/doesnt tell me as I would go ballistic - spot on.

But I hate the fact he doesnt tell me, I hate the fact he lies - it hurts, Im a good person, only want to best for our family.

I think we have jut perhaps lost our way...I do love him and I know he loves me ... just lost our way

Walt disney has a lot to answer for...

IME when a relationship starts off with massive romantic gestures and everything moves along really quickly, it's always turned out to be a red flag that I didn't notice at the time.

I'm on to it now though. I used to take pleasure in seeing people's reactions when I would tell them that my first date with my ex started off at an art gallery and ended up with him taking me to Barcelona for the day. I thought it was a great first date story, but now I see it for what it was: a huge alarm bell ringing that was trying to tell me 'this guy is a controlling emotional abuser and likes to have everything his own way'.

Same deal with flowers. Every guy who has ever sent me flowers (note the difference between 'sending' flowers and 'bringing' you flowers - the difference being the romantic gesture in absentia in the first example) has turned out to be a wanker. Without exception.

If a guy ever sent me flowers now I would be very .

The best relationships are those that start off as slow burners. Proper courtship, getting to know each other slowly...

I sound like my mother lol.

Men like women to settle down with they can control and brainwash. FACT.

Rubbish.

moving in together after just a few weeks etc etc is a RED FLAG

Heh, but it can work. My wife moved in with me when in effect we'd known each other for only about 5 days and we married 3 months later. Here we are 15 years on, still physically very affectionate, plenty of great sex and not liking to be apart much. We kiss and cuddle often, even if we're just passing each other in the house.

But surely you can see that moving in with anyone 5 days after having met is an incredibly foolish, risky thing to do?? I'm glad it's worked out for you, but for the majority it would be a disaster, and not a thought out decision. You don't know anything about anyone after only 5 days. I'm a bit shocked that anyone can move in with a partner or even marry them after less than a year. It boggles my mind. But I'm a cynical old cowbag

It was due to circumstance: my wife is Polish and we met and got off with each other when she was on holiday in England. We spent a couple of days togther, then she went back to Poland. We exchanged letters for a couple of months, then I drove out to bring her back to England and she moved straight in with me. That's what I mean by in effect only knowing each other for 5 days, as that's the amount of time we'd physically spent together.

Poland wasn't in the EU in those days, so she would have had to go back after 3 months, and we were very much in love so we married.

Now, we did have some downs after a year or two (mainly down to me) as we did do things too quickly. We worked through them, though and here we are.

I wouldn't necessarily recommend it, though!

mym, of course there is always be the exception to the rule

I am surprised here haven't been more posts in the same vein defending fast-paced relationships tbh, there usually is when this subject comes up

but then I am a cynical old cowbag too

AF I am a cynical old cowbag too.
However I have nothad thd experience of the poster who said being SENT flowers is a bad sign

didn't know anything about red flags all those years ago so the answer is .....yes.

but then I am a cynical old cowbag too

Oh I was cynical too at the time, I never intended to get married at all. I'd been 18 months out of an 8-year relationship with an emotionally abusive woman who treated me like crap and slept around, so I was just having a good time and enjoying my freedom when whammo! There she was.

aww

Oh it all works out fine sometimes, but I do rather think that anyone who is dating and even vaguely inclined towards heteromonogamous commitment should have this motto:
Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
(Have it sewn into your knickers or something.)

As in: know the red flags and watch for them.