I don't know what to do?

[InterestedInMoving]

I want to move out of my current area. I am a single Mum to two secondary school kids. I have been limited by a final court hearing for finances after a divorce which is coming up. I have my house just on the market, things were complicated and the sale last year fell through due to local problems that are now resolved, last buyer pulled out due to the local problems at the time.

I have found a home to buy, and investigated secondary schools for the kids. The problem is that all the spaces for the kids are taken up, it is over five miles to the only school that has 1 space for the older child. I can appeal obviously, no idea how to. So I feel I am gampling with my kids future and their education .

I want to move out of the area for me, mostly and for us as well. I hate being in this area as it has bad memories and links to former abuse and if I am honnest I feel ashamed locally, and humiliated partly due to me and partly due to abusers. I feel that I would be able to feel free to grow further (have worked on myself through therapy) elsewhere better than here, and I would feel safer too. I also fear that my children have been stigmatissed also. They have both recovered from the hell our life was, and the older one has good friendships, and they are happy at school, which is basically the only thing holding us here, their school and frienships. I see my few people not that often, and not all live locally, so travelling would make no difference to me, also work for me has no hold, so for me it does not matter where I live.

I am scared that the kids will not be happy, that they have been through enough, and I will mess up their schooling.

If it all works out with the school/friends, then we will move to an area where I will be able to afford a home the same size as the one we are in now and not have to move again, and have a very tiny mortgage, so a nice lifestyle. If I stay locally, I will have to move twice, due to loss of maintenance and move to tiny properties in not great condition, and have massive mortgages and not a great quality of life due to financial restrictions.

I am scared at the moment as it is a big gamble and it is not me that will have the consequences, it will be them, be it good or bad, it is a gamble and I am not that sort of person!

Have you asked them what they think? They could probably tell you whether it would really upset them to move but if you suggest that it would help everyone to move on from the horrible life that you had there, they might understand.

Also is there no other place you can look at other than this house where there are no school places?

Is it too far to move anyway but leave them at their current schools until places become available in the area you are moving to?

I have spoken to them and they understand the reasons, pro's and con's to moving, not the school situation though.

The move would be too far for them to stay in their current school.

I have looked at so many area's to move to and they all seem to have their own set of problems, and if there are spaces in schools they normally are schools you would not want spaces in, the school in the new potential area that has the space is a good school.

Surely if you get the one child in then the other child will get in ASAP as a sibling?

Perhaps you could home school during the period when there is no place for him/her? Would this be an option?

I think the move sounds like the best idea for all of you, a fresh start in a new place and if the school is good then it might be better to hold out for that. By the time you get around to moving a place may have become available too.

Keep badgering the LEA about it. Are there no special circumstances where if you are fleeing DV you can get higher priority?

Smellycat, yes that sounds like a good idea, thank you x

I feel nervious about making the decision, and causing more hurt to the children if things go wrong.

I fear being attacked/judged by ex if he finds out (he has no contact).

I have no court orders to prove emotional abuse, just an anti harrassment warning.

Surely that would be enough proof to suggest that you need to move away urgently? Just keep talking to them and really get desperate on the phone - they have an obligation to find the best possible solution for you so they have to at least try...

I think if your children are understanding about it then you will be ok - you'll all be in it together. If he has no contact and he can't find you then you can start putting the first steps together to move. I think staying for their school is not enough to outweigh the potential harm it could cause you all if you stay.

He sounds horrible and the sooner you get out of there the better! Good luck!

I think you have to register you child as being home schooled or something.

He has not been near us in a very long time, the ant harrassment order was from 3 years ago, he started civil court cases and got his solicitor to abuse me after the police stopped him he was too cleaver to do it himself. Once this finances court case is over all the civil stuff will be over, and I am scared he will start up with the kids again.

Oh that's awful.

HAs he been refused contact? Do they want to see him or would they tell him to get lost?

Awful. You are definitely better off out of there.

It's complicated, the last court order was an order for no contact. He can start off a new case if he wants at any time