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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Help with everything that follows a split from partner!!

7 replies

K4TnJ4CKS0N · 17/01/2011 01:18

Please help!! I can't sleep whilst this is going round and round my head! I really need some advice on where to search/where to start....

Shortest version of the story - We didn't plan for a baby but we decided to give things a go...
NY eve 2009 we had bad news that our baby wasn't growing and that I had pre eclampsia and to stay calm and be monitored 3 days a week until the planned c-sec at 34 wks... My partner would pick fights over me closing a cupboard door/asking him if he wanted a cup of tea!!
Preeclampsia kicked off and had baby at 31 wks, weighed 1 lb 10 oz and we were told not to have a lot of hope. For 6 wks I stayed with my parents as I had already possibly split a stitch from c-sec and mum was taking me to and from the hospital everyday as our place was a 20 min walk for a train plus another 20 to the hospital.
My ex would get days off all over the place, told stories to his boss (death in family, son critical etc) but wouldn't get out of bed til the afternoon and then came up the hospital the days he did feel well...

We finally got our son home after 10 weeks!! Started to settle in but my ex and I were still arguing (over me staying with my parents, he'd ring all hrs of the day but I couldn't always pick up, he huffed n puffed if the baby woke up in the night so I ended up sleeping in the lounge)
He and our son didn't bond... everytime I tried to get him to do his bath he went and walked the dog, he changed the odd nappy and said he would get up with him at night but it never happened...
After another argument, he kicked a baby bouncer across the room and it hit my leg whilst I was feeding our son so I packed everything I could get my hands on and walked out on him, took mour son and have been living at my parents since. I have been driving our son back and forth for visits, initially every other day, so that they can bond which then apparently happened over night...

He has barely paid anything towards his son and is always moaning about his lack of money but has plenty to order in most nights/go to the pub etc

He has a new gf and has since been pushing to have our son on his own but he hasn't got a clue how to care for him, I feel he is a risk to our son (not protective enough and doesn't consider risks). As he didn't get his own way he has threatend to take me to court and until everything is sorted I need to find one of these contact centre things as his place is not a safe environment for either of us!!!

who do I contact to arrange a once a week, supervised visit between the ex and my son? What costs are involved??

OP posts:
NetworkGuy · 17/01/2011 01:48

Hopefully someone at MNHQ will move this to Relationships where those with hints and tips (from personal experience) will be able to answer your queries.

K4TnJ4CKS0N · 17/01/2011 02:20

thank you as wasn't sure where to post

OP posts:
RebeccaMumsnet · 17/01/2011 11:12

We will move to relationships for you.....

cestlavielife · 17/01/2011 11:25

try nacc for local contact centre - some a re voluntary run and dont cost much/anything.

www.naccc.org.uk/

let him take you to court if you have valid concerns/evidence/witnesses.

NoNamesNoPackDrill · 17/01/2011 11:46

K4Tn you sound like a fab mum and well done for putting your wee one first.

Your ex sounds like a useless waste of space and you are well rid of him. If you let him see your DS at a contact centre he will have to prove he can build a good relationship and proved a suitable home for DS to visit him as he gets older. If he won't even contribute to supporting him it is unlikely he will have the patience to stick with it.

Have you thought about contacting the CSA? least then you would have regular money.

Good luck you sound lovely Smile

NoNamesNoPackDrill · 17/01/2011 11:47

proved = provide

K4TnJ4CKS0N · 18/01/2011 11:15

Thanks nonames n cestla
Have applied to CSA so hopefully that's one less thing to worry about!
I stupidly thought that by not being a bitch and playing by the rules fairly would mean everything would be much more amicable... I didn't foresee that there would be only one possible outcome!

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