I posted on here a couple of years ago and the lovely Mns helped me through the early days post H's affair.
Back Story.....Been with H 8 years with 2dcs when we decided to marry (due to cost etc). Dc's were 2 and 4. Got married, I arranged the wedding single handed basically and arranged the honeymoon. H was a bit of a workaholic so I justified it (sighhhh). Anyway 2 days after the wedding and a weekend away we pick up the kids and head to our honeymoon in the car.
He asks me to check his phone as there was a reservation number on the phone. I check it and see a message on the day of the wedding. Thinking it was a good wishes message from a friend I read it. Along the lines of (have forgotten now!!)....."you made the right choice, I hope you have a lovely day love from - xxxx"
I obviously check his reply which said "that means a lot coming from you love ---- xxxxx"
Funny, coz the think that I thought was weird was the fact that he put xxxx and he NEVER does that.....
Over the next few days (out of Dc's earshot).....confrontation, denial, drip feeds of info, denial, info....confession.
Affair lasted a few months, was sexual, unprotected sex, work colleague...same old f*ing story. He left his job on our return of the honeymoon, never saw her again. Didn't put in enough effort back into the marriage as far as I was concerned (continued to work late but from home, didn't spend enough 'rebuilding' time with me or Dc's), about 6 months later he went to a strip night (I knew he was going) but lied about going on stage with the stripper and paying for a lap dance afterwards...nice.
Relate followed immediately. At the end of counselling I felt shut down, but THOUGHT I wanted it to work. Stumbled through the next few months of feeling things weren't right, but didn't know how to get out of the situation. He continued to be a workaholic. I got emotionally involved, had a EA with an old friend (now over) and told him about it and that I wanted to split up. I asked him to move out last Januaury. He didn't. The last year has been a bit hellish....separated but living together.
FINALLY (a year later~ after weirdly quite comfortably muddling along, thinking I was staying for the kids etc) I have almost had to force him out because he says we can't afford for him to rent (we can at a push), but right now I see the DC's and my wellbeing and mental health (and his mental health) as more important as money.
He sees it as a temporary split, I now see it as permanant, mainly due to the fact that last night he told me blantant lie to my face.....again. (He lied about asking a friend to move in with him....a friend that was emotionally abusive to my best friend and threatened me as he blamed me for his wife leaving).
Anyway.....The point I wanted to make was that this was a man who....wasn't my ideal man, in the sense that it was a love that grew for me, I choose to be with him because I thought he was reliable and honest, not an alpha male. I counted those things as more important than the lightening strike thing. We hardly ever argued, he's turned into a better Dad post affair, he's kind, we had a very 'equal' relationship in terms of decision making, freedom etc. Until recently had feelings of "if it wasn't for the f*ing affair"......
The next two weeks are going to be shit. DOn't know where to start......telling the kids, getting financially sorted, getting over the pain of it all........
Feeling a bit sick after last night... I thought maybe there was hope down the line....maybe 6 months, now I know there is NO future for us. It's bringing back HUGE painful memories of my own parents divorce and I am DREADING telling my Dc's.
Very very 
today. Have a good few friends divorcing at the mo, the future is feeling pretty bleak.