what would you do???

[AnnaJa]

I feel really low today and just don't know how to approach this.
Last night my dh and I had a huge argument, started over the silliest of things and jsut escaleted. The worst bit was he said he needed some time alone for a few mniutes but I kept on. I then got in a temper and threw one of dd toys which made her cry, I am really ashamed of doing that.
But then dh got in a temper with me and grabbed me by my arms, and shouting at me to get out etc etc. It was probably our biggest fight ever. Things have been pretty awful over the past few months with job stress(his), loosing a buyer on our house and then last week a m/c.

I love him so much and want to forgive him but am just finding it so hard after him grabbing me like that. He says there is nothing to talk about and that we both behaved really badly last night but I just don't know how to move on from this.
It has not been helped this morning by a phone call to say his mother may have to go into full time care so yet another huge stress.

what would you do?

If you love him and it was a one off I would try and move on!

yes I do love him and we spoke a bit(he is a man after all) and I agree that we hardly argue. I suppose I just wanted to talk to others about it. He has always said it would be the end of us if I spoke about it to family etc, so I guess I am using mn as the next best thing.

Emotions must be running really high with what you've both gone through just lately. Don't stay angry with him too long, you both need each other right now.

The best of us have to vent our anger, tension etc sometimes but it is not a true picture of your character. It doesnt mean everytime you argue this will happen. Infact it has shocked you both and you wont let things get this bad again. Men dont talk! I write everything down in a letter and give it to my DH. They dont understand!! Bless them!!!

I was actually thinking of writing it in a letter about how I felt but wasn't sure if that seemed silly, glad you said you would.

HI there

I don't want to play devil's advocate but if you had left him alone when he asked would he have still grabbed you? He seems to have tried to back out of the situation by saying he needed a few minutes alone but you carried the argument on and started throwing things around.

IMO that makes him a fairly good guy as he seems to know what his limits are. He's probably as ashamed about grabbing you as you are about throwing your daughter's toy and making her cry.

Unless there is more to this that you are not telling us I think that you need to let it go.

no I am telling everything, yes you are right he knows his limits and did want to be on his own.