Did I f*ck up big time? Should I mention it?

[BarcodePanda]

Right, firstly DH's sister is unable to have children. Its been apparant since she was very young and its something we all know about.

Obviously its not something that we talk about often, I don't really see her much but we are friendly.

DH and I were looking for a buggy for ur new DS, we found one that was about a 3rd of the price of a normal 2nd hand buggy and a real bargain. We contacted the woman and she said she could deliver locally but we were too far away and she would not post it.

She lives in the area SIL lives in. DH immediatly said 'we'll ask SIL if the woman can drop it off at hers and we'll get it collected by MIL'

Now we can't use our mobile for out going calls and SIL has one of those fancy phones where if you psot on facebook yshe gets a txt, so always replies immediatly.

DH asked me to go on there, so i went on and left a message on FB to SIL saying 'hiya could you do us a favour please'

about 2 mins later she replies 'yea sure deprnds what it is' kind of thing with a :)

so I asked if this woman could drop the buggy off.

I never got a rely.

This was days ago and shes been actuvly on there since.
Did we fuck up?

The first thing i think when i think SIL isn't 'she can't have kids' so it never even occoured to me that it might not be the best thing to ask her to have a buggy in the house.

Get your dh to ring her
he can use a phone box or a phone at work fgs

why fgs?!

I don't know whether to mention it as we might be jumping to the wrong conclusion and she just hasn't replied or she doesn't fancy her house being cluttered or someone she doesn't know knocking on the door.

He doesn't wanna ring her and bring up something thats not an issue.

We have a homephone, I just meant we couldn't ring her from our mobile to her mobile at that point.

And the whle thing doesn't matter anymore as the buggy sold to someone else so we don't need the favour anymore so its not like he can ring her to bring it up over the phone as its too late anyways.

He could just phone her and say 'so is it ok to have to buggy delivered to you'

the fgs is because if he'd phoned originally you'd not be worrying!

I'd just leave it then tbh

we couldn't have phoned her anyways as she was at work.

tbh if this has been her situation her whole life she is unlikely to be pissed off about something like this.

You could still just ring her and say, shi$ I just realised that was potentially insensitive. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings and if I did I'm sorry.

it doesn't have to be a big deal and the longer you wait and 'not talk' about it the bigger the deal gets.

Barcode your posts to compo were aggressive and defensive considering you have asked for opinion - maybe you should think about how you communicate with people!

All depends on how she handles not
being able to have kids. Is it something that bothers her or is it something she's at terms with?

Just send her a message saying sorry to have bothered you about the buggy thing, it's gone to someone else now. If she wants to talk about it she will if not it's done with.

proudnscary - you are clearly reading a different thread to me, it was compo who started with the unnecessary fgs - Barcodes replies were not at all agressive or defensive.

Barcode - maybe she just missed your request amongst the rest of the stuff on there - I wouldn't read too much into it, if she's known she's unable to have kids pretty much all her life, you asking to get a buggy dropped off there isn't likely to send her over the edge.

I understood Barcode, I think she communicates effectivly.

I agree with ChippinIn, Barcode does not need to re-evalute the way she communicates, she has explained the situation perfectly.

I'd imagine you're worrying over nothing, maybe something came up and she didn't get around to replying. I wouldn't bring it up again, I'd say you having kids would upset her more than collecting a buggy for you and if she's fine about it from what I can gather that's not an issue.

Stop fretting, I'm sure its all fine

I be surprised if this request bothered her

One of my sisters an not have children ad it is something she has come to accept

Keep giving her mine, but after a few hours always brings them back

Right long story and I can?t say too much without outing myself in RL so please forgive if it sounds like I?m being difficult.
Background: OH and I have been together for coming up 17 years; no children though we are trying but not getting too far.
Anyway as far as OH?s family is concerned I am pure evil; reasons why I?m evil; well I?m white and emmm that?s kind of it really.
(According to his mother I was only with him for his money, what money? Where?s the money? All white girls are whores and I?d just get pregnant and because I was a whore he wouldn?t even know if they were his kids because I was definitely sleeping with all his friends. Busy girl me. . . . She never says any of this in front of OH anymore since he threatened to cut contact with her if she ever said anything bad about me in front of him again.)

Oh and because OH refused to participate in an arranged marriage and have me on the side. . . . (yes his mother seriously suggested this, which to me is not only gross to suggest arranged infidelity but just says that she has no real interest in OH?s happiness or for that matter her potential DIL )

After many episodes/years I have decided that I have had enough with them all.
I have never had a lot of direct contact with them, his mother has always refused to meet me, as do his sisters; with the exception of the youngest; but will not admit it to her Mum.
However for all their attitude and abuse etc, if they need a baby sitter (yes I?m a whore but I?m ok to take care of the kids, seriously would you leave your children with someone you had never met? Who you think is a whore? )

Or when they need someone to argue with the hospital/ school/ etc guess who is first in line?
And then we get the whole racist argument, that of course I got somewhere because we?re all in it together. Not because I listen and am rational and have an adult conversation and follow up on complaints issues, keep records etc.
Basically if it isn?t sorted straight away it?s racism, not bureaucracy, not red tape always always racism. (For example OH?s Mum got made redundant, as did her best friend, apparently this was racism, except that everyone got made redundant the factory closed down FFS)

It wouldn?t be so bad except I only ever get told half the story so I usually look like a fool at the start.

Anyway I?ve had enough, I get dragged in to sort out these messes they have made, get treated like shit and then ignored or bad mouthed till the next time.

So tonight I have calmly told OH that unless the situation is to do with DN?s
I -am -out.
I am no longer playing.

I am happy for OH to carry on seeing them as normal etc but I don?t want to hear about it, unless as I said it?s to do with the DN?s (and with the older ones they will contact me directly anyway). Older DN?s already text and call me and pop in to chat, and eat me out of house and home.

But is this really feasible?
With OH still seeing them regularly (he feels a lot of family/ culture guilt, he?s the eldest and a boy!! By his culture?s ?rules? he should be married and he and his wife should be living under his mothers thumb roof.) I have never asked him to choose and never would but can I really think that it?s fair to expect him to deal with their craziness alone??
Or am I being a selfish cow?
I am aren't I. .

Sorry have a moment. . . Thought I had started a new thread. . . but I guess I hadn't