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Original poster

other half dosent want anymore kids :(

15 replies

overthehills · 15/01/2011 23:26

hi i could do with some advice please.. weve been together nearly 7 years we have one son together who is 2. i really want another baby but he says no way! what do i do? do i just give up? i dont want to break up with him but how do couples compromise on something like this? surely one wins and one loses? im 36 and i feel like times running out :( advice please xxx

OP posts:
TCOB · 15/01/2011 23:31

Just a bump - your situation sounds agonising Sad but I don't have any experience to offer. FWIW, I think my need for children would have been greater than my need for any particular bloke but that's easy for me to say as I have never (thank God) been in that situation. I hope it all works out for you.

earwicga · 15/01/2011 23:35

Why doesn't he want another child? Has he set out reasons?

Podster · 15/01/2011 23:36

Has he said why he doesn't want another one ? How has your life together been since your first child ?

Original poster
overthehills · 15/01/2011 23:40

He says life is nice and calm and he dosent want to go back to all that chaos of a new baby. I admit he dosent cope to well with stress but thats why i do nearly everything anyway! he is such a good dad and he worships our little boy. but i really wanted my son to have a sibling:(

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 15/01/2011 23:42

He has given his reasons for remaining with the status quo. It is up to you now to give your reasons for changing it. Then you two need to discuss it.

Podster · 15/01/2011 23:43

Have you explained how you feel and particularly the bit about your son having a sibling ? Has your DP got any ? The new baby stage is hard and can be downright awful, but relatively it doesn't last long, surely he can see that or do you think he might have other concerns he isn't sharing with you ?

Original poster
overthehills · 15/01/2011 23:46

ive tried telling him my reasons one cos i want our son to have a brother and sister and two a simple need for me to have another child. ive always wanted a bigger family and he said he did too when we first had our boy but now he's changed his mind. he wont back down i know he wont:(

OP posts:
sfxmum · 15/01/2011 23:50

I am sorry this is hard, sometimes I guess it is best to be out in the open and clearly state reasons for and against

my case is different, I had dd at 36 after a few miscarriages and followed by a couple more after
we discussed all of this and by the time dd was 2 dh said he did not really want to go back to the baby phase as things were starting to settle and so on, we agreed and compromised to try until I reached 40

I was not able to conceive but it helped that I had set a limit, it has not been easy to be honest, am nearly 42 and sometimes when I am fertile a get really sad/ pissed off/ sometimes resentful and don't want sex etc but but...
overall I think it is the best decision for our family

I know your situation is different but thought I would share if it helps

best wishes

Podster · 15/01/2011 23:53

What's your relationship been like since you had your son ? It seems weird to me that his only reason for not wanting another is because of the chaos of a new baby....
Ultimately if he isn't going to budge you need to decide how comfortable you are with only having one. Is it something that is going to make you resent him eventually, is it something you want enough to make you leave him and find a partner who does want more kids etc. ?

sfxmum · 15/01/2011 23:53

sorry I don't mean to sound bleak, things are actually fine and I am happy with our relationship and our family life
but I don't think the feeling completely goes away even if it is not ever present, it is moments

scurryfunge · 15/01/2011 23:57

I was in the same position. When I had my DS it was easy to quickly get back into our former lifestyle. We were financially secure and DH did not want the upheaval. I talked myself into accepting the situation despite secretly wanting more children. Fast forward 16 years at aged 43 and it is now too late.

Tell him what you are feeling and talk him round. It would not be the end of the world.

Original poster
overthehills · 15/01/2011 23:57

sfxmum... that must be really heartbreaking for you:( thats the thing i dont want to end up feeling resentful towards him but i know i will we cant both win! part of me wishes i hadnt said anything and just forgot to take my pill!! :0

OP posts:
Original poster
overthehills · 16/01/2011 00:01

podster.. our relationship is good it was tough when our son was born dp didnt cope well with loss of sleep and screaming. ive told him that stage dosent last and he said himself he would never be without our son now! he just thinks its best to have one and have an easier life!

OP posts:
sfxmum · 16/01/2011 00:02

I am not resentful just occasionally sad and I guess hormonal, we talk about it.
but if I really really wanted to go ahead he would have agreed I am quite sure
but there was also the miscarriage situation which takes its toll
all I meant is that things are seldom clear cut

you should be very clear very honest both with yourself and him and act accordingly

Podster · 16/01/2011 00:08

Why have you got to be the one to back down ? Even if he doesn't like the idea of it now, I'm sure he'd manage once the baby was here. I can see it from his side, but it is quite a short-term outlook.

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