Would you be concerned about this weirdy ex??

[nameymacnamechanger]

I will try to keep this as brief as possible

I am 28. When I was maybe 16-17 I had a boyfriend, we'll call him J who was a little older than me who turned out to be a bit of a shit (drinking, gambling, drugs, disfunctional family, etc). Basically I dumped him.

He rang my mum up and told her he had syphalis (I know that's spelt wrong) out of spite I got a full check up, nothing. Would get the odd weirdy withheld silent call but these tailed off.

In 2004had DS with new partner (now also an ex), J started ringing me up at daft times, say 1 am, then 2am, then 3am etc. Current partner at the time end up having stern words with him and this stopped.

May last year I had a silent phone call on new number, thought nothing of it.

Then had a message from a woman with J's surname - he was messaging me through his new wife's facebook page lots of messages in early hours of morning rambling about things I had posted (I wasn't aware my profile was animmediately set it to super private). I ignored.

Last night I had a friend request from the wife's FB account, and a message:

Why do you ignore me? It took me a long time to get over you but I am over you now and all I want is me and you to be friends!!

I know that I was a shit but there is no need to be like you are been at the moment, I will see you again 1 day and you will see that I have changed a lot (I am a big guy now cause I work out 3 times a week :-) ). Accept my friend request and talk to me some time :-) hope to speak to you soon x x x

He was weird and paranoid and weird when I went out with him - would you be bemused or sightly alarmed at this message??

DS's dad turned out to be an abusive cock too and I'm on a man ban - I'm well aware my radar for what would worry most people passes me by so I want opinions on what if anything I should do about this guy???

say i don't want you as a friend and ignore.

I was tempted to reply and say don't want to be friends but wouldn't that just encourage him to reply? I declined the friend request and blocked any further requests from his wife him.

well done!

Not sure I would worry about it tbh. /Just steer cleaR!

Exactly the right thing to have done. Don't get into any exchange with him, you don't owe him anything.

Definitely the right thing to do namey, I think in a situation like that any contact, negative, neutral or positive, is rewarding and encouraging. Best thing to do is just ignore.

Surely his wife must know that he's sending you these messages? . I would not be impressed if I knew DP was sending messages like that to his ex. And he can't be over you if he's still sending you messages demanding you speak to him.

Thanks all.

He is one of those people who can draw you into conversation so I have never spoken to him since all the calling/ messaging has been going on.

I have no clue why he is messaging me through his wife's account he doesn't seem to have one which makes me think maybe she has to police his internet use (i'm thinking in terms of gambling). Maybe he set it up 'for her' and she isn't computer savvy. Maybe it's so that it's too open for her to confront him with. Who knows the mind boggles!

His first message to me on facebook he admitted the docs finally diagnosed him with "a disorder" - I'm guessing of the mental health variety as he hinted this was the cause of his previous terrible behaviour. So he's possibly unstable, not over me, and insinuating how big and strong he is (he towered over me and was broaderthan me in the first place). Definitely will be ignoring and avoiding.

Jesus, what a prick

You need to keep the messages, and log it with the cops - they can speak to him but that might aggravate iyswim. So just ask them to log it, because it's harassment.

He sounds bored and drunk and unhinged (someone married him?! poor poor woman) and if it persists in any way get an injunction.

Also the police are good on advice about protecting your privacy...make sure you do all of it. Ex directory, changed numbers, making sure friends know never to tell him ANYthing. And your folks.

Tell everyone he is doing this so he can't worm his way in and get info on you. Sounds like a complete fuckwit, may not be dangerous but clearly has a power thing going on.

You did exactly the right thing ignoring and blocking. Ebay and facebook can prevent messages. If enough avenues are blocked he will prob give up.

In other words he does it now and then because he can. He knows it makes you uncomfortable and gets a perverse kick out of that. So show no emotion and just ignore, sigh and block.

He wants a reaction. Don't give him one.

Don't react or respond in any way but do keep a record of every incident and ask the police to log the incidents, so if he does get scarier (for instance, sending threats) you can get them to go round and have a word.
He may not be dangerous as such but his attempts to communicate with you are unwelcome and unecesssary, you don't owe him anything.

I agree with logging it...he sounds like potential stalker material!! if so, you want early evidence to get it dealt with quickly.

You have done right in not responding as it would only encourage him into trying further contact.

Sounds like a right creep!

Do you know for sure he has a new wife? maybe he set up fb page in a fake name to put you at ease, who knows
It seems unlikely a for real spouse would accept these kind of messages to an ex from their ac

It's ringing one or two alarm bells for me I'm afraid, particularly the 'i've been diagnosed...so now i'm fine' bit and the 'I will see you again' made me go a bit chilly. I agree with the others who have said to record everything, I had to get an ex-boyfriend-turned-stalker out of my life and the box full of evidence came in very handy.

If nothing else happens you'll just feel a bit daft, have a laugh at yourself and throw your records away but if it does escalate (which it probably won't ) you'll be glad of it. But absolutely ignore - at best he is very weird.

BT also had a very helpful malicious phone call department who would take this very seriously.

Presumably you don't really know he has a wife? it could be a picture of anyone, designed to make you open his message.

Well her profile picture is a wedding photo of the two of them. It doesn't look like she actively uses facebook. I do think the photo is real though.

How do I go about logging them? I wish I had logged calls from when DS was a baby as they were really intense for a while, when they tailed off I thought that was that but apparently not.

You can 'report' messages on FB.

Stay away from him. Ignore ALL friend requests.

Delete and reinstate your FB account under a different name (say a nickname) if you need to.

Guy is a pyscho. Sounds like my very horrible ex.

He stalked me for 6 months. Police, parents and even security at work were invloved. New phone numbers, 'safe house' you name it. Not very nice at all.

He just wanted to 'talk'

Don't get drawn in to the 'I've changed, you should see me now, I'm pumped' bollocks.

Stay safe.

Just sorted through my FB inbox and there are six messages in there (I thought I had deleted the old ones but I hadn't).

August 15, 2009 at 12:02am
June 19, 2010 at 2:15am
June 19, 2010 at 2:23am
June 19, 2010 at 3:04am
June 19, 2010 at 3:46am
January 15 at 3:41am

He has had ZERO replies from me.
His messages are very rambly but also insistent. No records of anonymous calls though from last year.

mouseface that sounds awful for you, did things eventually get resolved?

I have no intention of contacting him, he seems to need no encouragement. His inbox message from june 09 mention all kinds of details I had posted in updates he had onviously read all my posts on there (a fuck up on my part that my profile was open for all to see which was quickly resolved).

The part where he says 'I will bump into you' is particularly worrying me, he knows rough area I live in I think and I am often out and about walking dog either with or without DS.

namey - erm, yes, you might say that. He came into the pub where I worked one night with a knife in his coat, got hold of me as I collected glasses and decided to get hold of meand put the knife to my throat.

Nice lad like that

Anyway, the landlord got hold of him from behind, took the knife and threw him out of the nearest fire door without opening it.

Then XP sent me my underwear, cut up, through the post. He'd broken into my flat and taken it when I was a t work. Nothing else, just underwear.

The last resort was when he sat outside my falt at 2am.

I called my dad who drove his 4x4 up to XP's car dorr, trapping him inside as he'd parked next to a wall.

My dad got out and 'had a word' shall we say.

Never saw him again.

No more hourly calls, no mail, no visits. Nothing.

I later found out that he moved away and joined the RAF.

Not at all nice. The police even 'removed' him from my property on several occasions but he'd come back after they had gone.

I expect my case was an exception, rather than the rule. Xp was very 'if I can't have you, nobody will' kind of mentality.

I just hope that this guy leaves you alone. You need to keep a record of all contact.

Stay safe! x

Sorry for typos, typing one handed with DS on my lap.

OMG! Did I kill your thread? So sorry.

Don't worry mouseface, I'd have replied but I tootled off to bed!

Glad your ex got the message eventually but how horrid for you to have to go through that!

Phew! Thought I'd put the mockers on it

I would go to your local police station with print out of everything he has sent you and see if they can help.

They can keep a log off it and record that there is a child there to so if it gets worse the police have the background info. They can chjeck you house is protected and have caller id phone and a personal alarm.

I would be worried about this person. Do not have any communication with him in any form. Alway tell the police everytime he trys to contact you.

I would want the police to go have a word with him and show him the printouts because the police being involved will scare him off and when his wife finds out he will have more to concentrate on than you like trying to save his marrage.

Please stay safe and good luck.