My boyfriend of 9 months has been cheating on me. I first caught him cheating 2 months into our relationship. i have been cheated on several times in the past so i have issues with trust. he was meant to meet me for a night out and he didnt turn up. his phone was off all night and most of the next day. he arrived at my flat the next again night and said he was in bed all day ill. he went for a shower so i checked his phone and found loads of messages from another woman that he had spent the night with the night before. i really lost it with him and was so angry. he just stood there and said nothing - no apology or anything. the next again day he said he was sorry and he would delete her number and that he was happy with me and didnt want to end our relationship over a silly mistake.
i believed him. our relationship went downhill after that and we rarely have sex. maybe once a month no matter how hard i try it on. ever since he cheated ive been really suspicious and stuff and in november i looked at his phone again. i found messages from the same woman askin if he got home ok etc. i realised i have been stupid because this has obviously carried on for the amount of time we have been together. i stayed calm this time and explained to him that he had to now choose between me and her and that if he chose me he would delete and block her phone number and let me have her number which i now have. he still hasnt blocked her number though and has put passcode locks on both his mobile phones. its now january and things arent much better. i love him but i get the feeling that its not mutual. i dont trust him at all and im still sure he is cheatin on me. i lie awake at night every single night wondering what he is doing, who he is with or if he is going to leave me. i have told him i love him but he has never said it back to me. im 22 and he is 35. the woman he was cheating with is 42 and not exactly beautiful so that made me feel even worse. she is twice my age and has 3 kids who are the same age as me. i know most red blooded males would like sex all the time but he has no interest in it whatsoever. this makes me even more suspicious because hes not sleeping with me so i think he must be getting it somewhere else. i thought it was maybe because im overweight and he didnt fancy me but the other woman is twice the size of me and looks like a pig on crack. seriously.
i should probarbly end the relationship but i have no confidence at all and i hate confrontation so im too scared to speak to him about any of this. i have no idea where to start even if i was going to. i am pretty certain there is another woman on the scene now too...his boss who is also in her 40s. his face lights up when she phones him and he talks about her all the time - i dont even think he realises how much he goes on about her. its beginning to bother me because from what ive heard she is a bit of a sl*g. shes slept with a few people from the pub that they work in and likes a drink. my boyfriend also wont let me go to the pub with him when he goes out for a drink there so i think he must have something to hide.
any advice here would be appreciated. especially on how i can start to trust people again and if i should kick him out or not. ive got a 20 month old daughter from a prev rship and he gets on brilliant with her and she loves him to bits. thats whats making it difficult really.