"Trial sepration" do they work ????

[8months]

I am a regular but name changed as I `do know some MN in rl

Have been on a trial septarion from my H for 8 months
the marriage counclor felt it would be best as we were doing more damage under the same roof
It was was meant to be for 3 months but it is no going on for nearly 9 months

the thing is I like it on my own with the dcs BUT I KNOW that H is desprate to start again and move back in
The kids(10 and 7) ,my parents think we should get back together and the prssure is getting me down
BUT I really am NOT sure
I think he may turn back into his old self within a few months and that I will be not strong enough to go through this again

How do I know what to do for the best?

Has anybody made it work with their partner after doing a trial sepration???

Hi, I supose it all depends on the reassons for seperation. I'm wondering about your husbands behaviour/attitude.

What does turning back to his old self mean? If he is desperate to move back in does that mean he is willing to change? What were things like in your marriage which led up to you needing marriage councelling?

He withdrew from me for 7 years
Sex went ,then communication ,he did`nr even speak
I tried and tired to sort it and it got no where
It was only when he realised that I had had enough TOOK my ring off and said it was over that he sat up and listened
He was never intersted in getting help until then !!!
we went for 3 months after
It was the counclor suggestion we separte for a 3 months

He then got diagnosed with depression which was his excuse for the way he behaved now he says he has it NO more
He wants to be pyhsical which after 7 years I don`t believe and actually the thought of it with him maked me feel bad

He made me feel it was revolting as he did`nt want me in that way
now HE HAS CHANGED HIS MIND

tHE COUNCELLOR TOLD him that what he had done to me was emotional abuse

He left 8 months ago but we lived separatley in the same house for 8 months first

Sorry posted to quick
In the 8 months under the same roof he slept in a different room and we had the marriage councilling then and he saw his own head docter separately

What a complicated situation. I'm confused by his behaviour. I'm suprised the marriage lasted for those 7 years. Sorry I am at a bit of a loss what to think.

I'm hoping someone else will come along and be more use. I feel like I have let you down a bit here but feel out of my depth with his behaviour/attitude towards you.

Very sorry x

I think it sounds like you feel it's over already, this is what the trial separation is supposed to show up. Either you both really miss each other, use the space to reflect, and come back into it with fresh eyes, or you realise you're happier alone, and call it a day.

It must be hard when both partners feel differently, but if your heart isn't in it then I don't think it would work even if he did try his hardest. I think the damage has already been done, and it's too late to repair it, and I think you need to tell him (if you do feel this way) rather than let him hang on with false hope for ages, or go through with a false attempt at moving back and put the children through the stress of a separation for a second time.

I have tried talking to him
But he leaves then he texts that he is sorry
He wont give me the space I keep asking him to give me the chance to miss him I ask him to come and collect the kids and go then just drop them off <strong>NOT</strong> come in and try to kiss me He says he will it lasts a week then its back to him coming sitting here for a couple of hours then will take the kids out for an hour then he stays for longer after when he gets back he wont give me the space to miss him and YES I HAVE SAID IT TO HIM OVER AND OVER to give me the space
He can`t have the kids at his place either

I don`t know if I am thinking of having him back cos I am tired of my parents going on about it and H looking like the one thats been hard done to " POOR ME" thing or because its what I want

If he won't give you what you're asking for while you're apart and he's supposed to be proving to you that he can change do you think he's likely to give you what you want if you take him back?

Sounds like he's still not listening to you.

And if the thought of being physical with him makes you feel bad that's not a good sign.

I agree with malinkey - he isn't respecting your wishes now, he's not going to change if you let him back. He tries to kiss you when you (firstly) are separated, and (secondly) have made it clear several times that you don't want this? That's very intimidating and actually sexual harassment. :(

He needs to take the children out, not see them at yours. If he can't see them at his house (why?) he can take them out, swimming, soft play, library, park, his mum's house?

But I think you need to make it clear to him that this can't continue.