oh wise MNetters. I need pointers re: dating and sex

[tookoolforskool]

Having not done ( or had any sucess) on the whole dating front, i now find myself on my first second date this evening.

Tis very exciting.

What i need to know is this:

How can i tell if he is being nice and lovely, because he is nice and lovely
or, because hes just trying to get into my pants?

His interest level is very high. We met on sunday and had a lovely day together. he text me the same day ( 10 miins after i left) so we had a bit of texting then.

he text me tuesday mornign to ask me out again, and then we had a bit of texting, and then a phone conversation.

Then we had some more texting yesterday.

its all been very nice. No smutt, no induedous, no inappropiate comments or questions. nothing so far to make me think that is his motive. Lots of nice flirting, but nothing overly sexual.

I really fancy him, and suspect the feeling is quite mutal. Id quite fancy ripping his clothes off but, im not going to sleep with him. yet.

Not that there is anything wrong with that at all, ive done it before, but its not what im looking for just now.

Its just that he seems so lovely a very small bit of my brain wonderes if its just a huge effort to get hhis leg over asap.

I sound really paraniod dont i?

This is exactly how my dating started with my dp. We both liked each other a lot, but it didn't mean we had to sleep together straight away. In fact we waited nearly 3 months, and we're both glad we did. You'll soon know if he's just after a quick shag. For the time being, keep all dates in public places, no offers of lifts home, no going back somewhere a 'bit more private'.

What are you like :) Stop worrying and just enjoy yourself, don't be over analysing everything, just chill. I think you're right for not sleeping with him yet, and fwiw, it doesn't sound like he's trying to get his leg over, yet anyway . All you can do is go with the flow, keep a check on yourself that you don't go falling head over heels (just yet) and enjoy the lovely tummy tingly feeling of a new relationship

so - say he wants to do that ,is that a definate sign hes just after sex then?

He offered to cook for me this weekend, but said he was also happy to go out and do something.

My initial thought was that he would be trying to have sex with me ( not a problem, i really fancy him, just not what im looking for right now) but then i thought that maybe he was just being nice, and we had talked alot abot food and cooking on sunday, and hes really passionate about it, so it was most likely him trying to impress me.

Ive always been able to tell before if they are just after a quick shag, its normally blindingly obvious. Its nice to have heard from him so much this week, so hes either really really interested, or is trying to butter me up before tonight. But there has been no sexual flirting, so then i think its not that.

?????????

i know... its just my 'bastard radar' is just set overly high at the momment.

lol.

Hmm, I think it's a bit too early to be going to his house. I would save that for a few weeks time really, but that's less to do with shagging and more to do with basic safety tbh. I do think you're overthinking this. If you're in any doubt at all, I had a conversation with my dp early on about a friend who was internet dating at the same time, and basically was just after a quick shag. I made my thoughts on that quite clear, so he was under no illusions. You could make up a friend so you can have a similar conversation?

thats what i thought too.

i know im over thinking. product of divorce and general crapness at a real relationship since then really.
Plus, i am atually interested in him, but sort of dont want to be interested and then let down iyswim.

I dont think thats what hes after, because you normally can tell.
I just wondered if being 'nice and lovely' was maybe a new, quick way to get your leg over than i was unaware of?
lol

I understand being suspicious and cynical. I am the queen of it . But really, if you want a relationship with this man you're goign ot have to trust him, and trust your instincts. But really, this is your second date. Don't invest too much just yet. He could collect porcelain dolls or have terrible back hair or something

Im being silly arent i.

Second date, thats all it is and i need to chill the fuck out.

I dont think thats all he is interested in. My instincts dont say that at all.
I need to trust my judgement.

You are me, I have something similar going on at the moment. If you have been seriously messed about as I have, it's very hard to trust people. My radar is waaay off too.

BooBooGlass - porcelain dolls, very funny.