A bit of a backstory. Married 18 years. DH a good man but quite selfish and unsociable. Children now 15 and 11. Thought all was OK, with a few normal ups and downs until 2005. Then a bombshell. DH admitted he had gone to prostitutes when our son was very small. It was a bombshell tbh and I have never forgiven it, cannot understand it and frankly don't want him sexually any more. But we have kept going but the last few years have been really really hard. His dad died suddenly in 2008, in 2009 he resigned his job of 18 years because he had had enough of it. Didn't discuss it - middle of a recession. Out of work for a year. Working again now back in his home county Mon-Fri (living with his mum and that's another story). He has mean tendencies too like his family.
Have tried really hard but we have had some awful rows in the last couple of years. Me going hysterical, completely losing it like a banshee. Did it on Wednesday night - he sent me a text to say it was mild so make sure heating turned right down. I went balistic - it really upset me. I think I owuld have liked a text that said are you all OK not turn the heating down. And I can imagine him and his mum up there talking about my "extravagance". IMO she's a shit stirrer but he always denies it.
He has now said he's not coming home this w/e because he wants to reflect on his many failings. The children will be very upset. I think I may have really blown it this time. The thing is I do love him and I like being married. I never thought we would end up in this mess. I'm 50 soon and very menopausal and well past my best.
I just don't know what to do. I feel so unhappy and have no-one to talk to - don't want anyone to know in r/l.