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What next - is there any going back

12 replies

blownit · 14/01/2011 04:25

A bit of a backstory. Married 18 years. DH a good man but quite selfish and unsociable. Children now 15 and 11. Thought all was OK, with a few normal ups and downs until 2005. Then a bombshell. DH admitted he had gone to prostitutes when our son was very small. It was a bombshell tbh and I have never forgiven it, cannot understand it and frankly don't want him sexually any more. But we have kept going but the last few years have been really really hard. His dad died suddenly in 2008, in 2009 he resigned his job of 18 years because he had had enough of it. Didn't discuss it - middle of a recession. Out of work for a year. Working again now back in his home county Mon-Fri (living with his mum and that's another story). He has mean tendencies too like his family.

Have tried really hard but we have had some awful rows in the last couple of years. Me going hysterical, completely losing it like a banshee. Did it on Wednesday night - he sent me a text to say it was mild so make sure heating turned right down. I went balistic - it really upset me. I think I owuld have liked a text that said are you all OK not turn the heating down. And I can imagine him and his mum up there talking about my "extravagance". IMO she's a shit stirrer but he always denies it.

He has now said he's not coming home this w/e because he wants to reflect on his many failings. The children will be very upset. I think I may have really blown it this time. The thing is I do love him and I like being married. I never thought we would end up in this mess. I'm 50 soon and very menopausal and well past my best.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so unhappy and have no-one to talk to - don't want anyone to know in r/l.

OP posts:
MommyMayhem · 14/01/2011 04:29

Can I just take you up on something you said: "I'm 50 soon and very menopausal and well past my best". That is arrant nonsense. Please do not base any decisions you make on that ridiculous self-observation.

What are you taking for the menopause?

blownit · 14/01/2011 04:36

I'm not taking anything but I'm wondering whether I should. Flushes, sweats, no interest in sex. I feel my best years have been stolen and when he was visiting prostitutes I was actually really quite attractive then.

OP posts:
MommyMayhem · 14/01/2011 04:40

blownit, you're 49, not 89! You may find that an estrogen supplement will make you feel a whole lot better.

As for your DH, he sounds like a bit of a wanker, to be honest. You mention that you "may have really blown it this time". What do you mean by that?

blownit · 14/01/2011 04:44

I think he might just say OK - you've lost it so much over the last few years I'm never coming back. Have a divorce. I sometimes feel that he has pushed and pushed to try to make me the one to end it because he hasn't had the guts to. He always says this isn't the case.

OP posts:
MommyMayhem · 14/01/2011 04:46

How would you feel if he did ask you for a divorce?

blownit · 14/01/2011 04:50

Gutted. I want to turn the clock back to 2008 to when it all went wrong. I would love to do counselling but he won't. I thought we would grow old together and that actually things were getting better again and then I just flipped over a message about turning the heating down.

OP posts:
MommyMayhem · 14/01/2011 04:52

I'd say it went wrong a long time before 2008, if he was sleeping with prostitutes when your son was a baby.

He sounds vile. Don't you ever imagine that your life would be better without him?

blownit · 14/01/2011 04:58

I would rather make it better with him and I'm sure a lot of men have visited to prostitute and their wives just don't know. If he hadn't told me it would have been better. He's not vile, he's a very calm intelligent man.

OP posts:
MommyMayhem · 14/01/2011 05:03

I think visiting prostitutes when you have a wife and a baby at home is disgusting. I am sorry, but I would not tolerate behaviour like that.

You don't seem to have much self-esteem.

WhamBam · 14/01/2011 05:05
Confused
MommyMayhem · 14/01/2011 05:06

What's the face for WhamBam Smile ?

WhamBam · 14/01/2011 15:23

Sorry, posted on wrong thread!

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