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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When is it ok to complain?

1 reply

sagalsmith · 13/01/2011 14:48

My best friend has had a horrible year- her husband left her, has not seen their child ever since and has not been in touch with her directly. In the meantime, he left right before a crucial exam, which she then failed but after 2 more attempts- has now passed. She has a really supportive family, all abroad though. On the whole, things are improving for her, she can get on with her life now that her exam is done and her job is going great.
I've been there for her all this time and have done as much as I can (being in a different city).
Over this past year- my life has had lots of ups and downs too- not to the extent of hers but very significant to me after birth of my second child and ongoing personal issues and health problems. However I have a great husband and we are relatively comfortable financially.
Last week was a particularly bad week for me and I spent a good amount of it crying (don't exactly know why).
I feel like talking to her about it (girl to girl, hubby won't do) but feel like I have no right to complain. I've been holding my tongue for a year because how can I compare my problems with hers? The very few times I've brought somethings up, the topic quickly swivels to her problems- ie I'll c/o something hubby did, response: oh you're lucky he realises he's in the wrong, my ex would never admit to......
I'm finding this particularly stressful at this time.
I'm generally very optimistic and realise that this is just a phase I'm going through and it will be over.
Has anyone been in a similar position, does it always have to be a case of 'misery loves friends'? Should I always feel the need to hide the good things in my life and highlight the bad?

OP posts:
WannabeaShootingStar · 13/01/2011 15:19

Good friendship is about balance. We all like a good moan from time to time (both when there are genuine problems and when there really aren't) but a good friend will always have time to listen to even the most menial of things and stop talking about themselves for five minutes in order to do so.

It sounds to me like you need to find yourself some less self centred friends!!

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