Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tell me to get a grip

45 replies

shinybaubles · 13/01/2011 13:10

I am so miserable,I mean really really down, I hate living here, have no friends, even less money, I am so lonely and feel like my brain is melting.
I have felt like this for at least a year - the truth is probably more, I can normally manage to kick myself up the rear and pull it together rather than wallow in the self pity that has taken over today. Aah I hate myself for feeling like this and beeing so bloody pathetic SadAngrySadSad.
And I am even more embarassedby reading some of the threads on here and realising howt ruly hard some people have it.

OP posts:
Vanillacandle · 14/01/2011 20:21

Sorry Shiny - we seem to have been missing each other today. I'm signing off in 10 mins or so to go and fit a new toilet seat in the kids' bathroom. Boy, do I have an exciting life! But first, I need to get the rubber gloves, disinfectant, and a double thickness black bag to put the old one in. What is it with boys and their complete lack of aim? DS is 10 but still manages to spray the bathroom!

Bet you don't want to come for coffee after that, do you?! I promise I'll disinfect my hands before I pour you another cup...

Anyway, hope you've had a better day and are feeling a bit more positive about things. I'll pop back over the weekend to check in with you and see how you're doing. Chin up, and we'll get you through this.

MyBrilliantCareer · 14/01/2011 22:37

Awww I feel for you. My best friend is from Antwerp (I met him when he was living in London but he's back there now) - he feels it's too small/conservative and is moving to Brussels.

It sounds like you have a back up plan now though - sorry, only got to this thread now and I have no good advice either! Blush

LittleMissHissyFit · 14/01/2011 23:53

Ok, I'm pissed, but I love your sister!

What a star!

that must feel so good for you to have a back up plan.

ha ha, the advice I have is precisely because of what I have had to put up with, crash course!

Vanillacandle · 16/01/2011 15:38

Hi Shiny - how are things today? You've not posted for a couple of days, so I hope that means you have been busy.

Do you fancy a coffee this afternoon, or have you not got time to stop? I've got some biccies in the tin too...

Vanillacandle · 16/01/2011 18:21

Shiny? Are you there?! The coffee's gone cold! Still, I can brew up another as soon as you pop in.

shinybaubles · 17/01/2011 18:19

Hi Vanilla,
Thanks so much for popping back I embarked on a massive spring clean to keep me occupied and it clearly did. Although have only managed upstairs. I feel a bit better now dh has agreed that I will come back to the UK in summer hols this year permanently, regardless of our financial situation,even if it means he has to stay here on his own for a while - worst case. So I am feeling a bit more positive. There is an end in sight.

I do want to to study, I hope we will be able to afford it - I am not sure what yet. So when I have done the rest of the house I will send away for loads of brochures. I also have to find an area for us to live in if hopefully dh's business picks up and I don't need to live with my sis, so that will keep me occupied too.

DS is much better and back at school he is lovely and makes me so happy.
Thankyou for all your help and the coffee and the cookies really need to get back on the diet Smile .

My sis is brilliant thanks.

You're so right very conservative people living 20 minutes away are considered foreigners etc, very claustrophobic (sp) no wonder we have not had a government for ages.

OP posts:
Vanillacandle · 17/01/2011 20:08

Hi Shiny. Glad you're feeling brighter! I'm really proud of you for taking the initiative and keeping yourself busy.

If you're looking for somewhere to live, I can thoroughly recommend North Yorkshire! It's less than 2 hours to London by train from York, and we're lovely people here!! Outsiders are just as welcome (we moved here from Surrey 11 years ago and have been accepted no problem).

Have you thought about teaching or being a teaching assistant (all the good bits of teaching without the paperwork!) - at least you get school holidays off so childcare is less of a problem. If that interests you, there is a distance learning course I can give you details of which doesn't even need you to have a placement in a school.

Your DH sounds like an absolute poppet, and so understanding. He deserves a gold star.

Keep me posted with how things are going, and remember I'm here if you feel down again with a ready supply of cookies and homemade cake.

blackcoffee · 17/01/2011 20:51

have you seen the film In Bruges
it might just make you smile Smile

Vanillacandle · 18/01/2011 16:22

Hey Shiny - done the downstairs today?!

shinybaubles · 19/01/2011 16:44

Hey Vanilla - have had flu - so done nothing much Sad. Feel like a bit of a fool to be honest. Begining to panic about so many little things, about moving back to the UK. I could just bury my head in the sand. North Yorkshire doesn't sound too bad I spent some time living in Durham which is even further north, but really want to be under an hour away from my sister who lives in Perivale - also dh doesn't want to go to far from London growing up in the back end of the Netherlands have clearly traumatised him.
I would love to be a teaching assistant but I don't think I could, I have a blip on my criminal record a teenage mistake that I so totally regret and am embarssed about -Blush
you must think I am a terrible person now I have said this. Shame because a teaching assistant would be my dream.

OP posts:
shinybaubles · 19/01/2011 16:44

Will check out that film.

OP posts:
Vanillacandle · 19/01/2011 17:07

Hey Shiny - hope you're feeling better now.

Don't start panicking about your dream - it's supposed to be fun! Now, this time I am going to say "Get a grip!" Take a deep breath, have a cup of coffee, and take things a step at a time.

There are loads of places you could live back here. What I suggest is that you get yourself a map and stick the point of a pair of compasses in Perivale, then draw a circle about 60-80 miles radius around it. You can then see what places inside that circle grab you.

If you want any advice on places, I have lived in/been to/stayed in most bits of the UK, so you can have my ever so humble opinion on anywhere, for what it's worth!

Right, now as to the teaching assistant thing. The CRB checks are mainly to check for child abuse. Now I'm not going to pry into what you did, all I will say is that if it was when you were a teenager and there is nothing since, it probably won't make any difference. If you are honest and open about it with a school, and can show that you're a reformed character, they won't hold it against you.

As to the course, the one I did to start off with was a BTec Level 2 Teaching Assistants Certificate with a company called ICS Ltd. You can Google them for the application form eand information etc. They send you a case study school that you can base your assignments on so you don't need an actual placement. The whole course is distance learning - they send you the stuff to read, you post them your assignments, they send you the next load etc. They have forums as well so people can post and help each other. I seem to remember it cost around £200.

Although you will probably have to do an NVQ Level 3 once you are in a job, the BTec course will prove to employers that you really want the job and have been prepared to study off your own back.

Don't give up on your dreams - you deserve to be happy as much as anyone else.

shinybaubles · 19/01/2011 18:02

Wow Vanilla you are so level headed and supportive - thankyou. These little chats are making a huge difference to me.

We do have a few maps lying around so will do as you suggested and come back with a load of places for you to pass judgement on.If that's ok?

Thanks for the info about CRB checks it was something highly stupid and I have not even got a speeding ticket since then it was more than 10 years ago.

I will have a look at ICS - I did go to Uni but had to leave without finishing LL my exams as my mum died, so I have a degree but the grading is a poor reflection of my abilities I think. And I like the thought of being able to study while I am here. Thanks for the info. I had thought about this previously and couldn't decide what to study given the areas I am interested in.

OP posts:
Vanillacandle · 20/01/2011 14:44

Hi Shiny

Glad to be of assistance! You don't even need a degree to be a TA, just Maths and English at GCSE, so you will sail through. The ICS course is great as you can do it in your own time, as fast or as slowly as you want. The assignments take quite a while, but are mainly questions with lots of subsections, so each bit only needs a few lines. If you break it down into manageable bits and don't put too much pressure on yourself, you should be fine. Plus you can always ask me for help as I've still got my folder!

I'm so pleased you are sounding a lot more positive now. It's amazing the difference it makes when you finally stop bottling up your feelings and let it all out. How is DH feeling about it all?

shinybaubles · 20/01/2011 15:05

Hi Vanilla,
He's desperate to leave as well and spends every waking hour in his office (garden shed) working he is trying so hard to make his business work. He comes into read to ds1 and put him to bed has dinner and goes back or works on his laptop until 9pm. I spoke to him about the course and he says we'll have some cash free at the end of the month so I can start then.Smile

I have been looking at a map, do you know anything about any of these areas or anywhere in between or nearby, it just somefirst thoughts, I have not been to them - so any thoughts welome.
Chesham
Amsersham
Hemel Hempstead
Watford outside
Gerrards Cross
Pinner
High Wycombe
Henley
Slough
Reading
Ascot

OP posts:
Vanillacandle · 20/01/2011 16:14

It depends how close you want to be to London and how easily you need to be able to get into London itself. Is DH's business in Central London?

I know you want to be in reach of your sister, but you could look a bit further afield if DH not going into London daily. I would suggest along the motorway corridors, although the M40 is most expensive. You could go as far as Northampton up the M1, and of course prices will get cheaper the further outside London you are.

On the south side, I have lived in Woking and Guildford, and both of those are easy enough on the train in to Waterloo. Guildford especially has plenty of Victorian terraces and 1930s semis if that's the kind of style you're after. Guildford is the nicer town though, and has some good schools, and I don't think it would be too far round the M25 to get to Perivale.

From what I know of the places on your list, I would go for Amersham, High Wycombe, Chesham, Gerrards Cross, and avoid Slough and Reading. My cousin used to live in Pinner, which was OK but very outer London, IYKWIM. If you want a bit of character and some fresh air for the DCs, I would personally get as far away from London as you can reasonably manage. I have a very good friend in Leighton Buzzard, who used to live in Maidenhead (she works in London), so both of those would be a possibility.

I would ask on your chat thread for inside info on the specific places that keep cropping up or that sound like possibles to you. You can then go online and do a property search for the ones that appeal most to see what prices are like, and maybe change your search areas depending on that information and your budget.

It's so refreshing to hear about lovely supportive DHs on here - a lot of the threads I read seem to be completely the opposite. I guess we are two lucky girls!

gettingeasier · 20/01/2011 16:44

Just chipping in to say really sorry but all those areas are mega bucks apart from Slough and Reading which I dont know about. Hope I am not being cheeky as obviously I dont know your budget etc.

My Mum lives in Brussells luckily she likes her own company

Good Luck !

shinybaubles · 20/01/2011 16:58

Gettingeasier- not being cheeky at all, the truth is I am divided if we had money I would live in Belsize Park in London, I am hoping all these areas are cheaper than there at least.
Vanilla
I do want character and also things to do and places to go you know shops, resturants, bars everything I am missing now. There is part of me that thinks my sis works all week so I would only see her at the weekends so I could extend my search but I fear dh my hyperventilate at being further away from London - lol - might be something to consider. I am after a Victorian Terrace and dh is after a detached mansion but seeing as we won't be buying that's an argument for another day.
Yes dh is brilliant - well I thinks so but I am aware he is an acquired taste -
Grin

OP posts:
Vanillacandle · 20/01/2011 17:28

Well, so long as it's just you acquiring it...! Grin

Why not try somewhere like Guildford then? It's less than an hour in to Waterloo on the train, there's plenty to do, and there should be a reasonable supply of rented. I have a very good friend who still lives there, so can get you info on areas/streets etc when you get that far, if you like.

Vanillacandle · 23/01/2011 20:47

Shiny - not heard from you in a couple of days, so I hope that means you've been busy preparing the escape plan.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page