Anyone with an Alcoholic Partner?

[vixy0007]

I have been with my DP for a year, we live together with my DS who is 3. In November last year he went through detox for alcoholisum an had done really well not having a drink, until new years eve. He said he felt confident enough to be able to have a drink and then stop. He got very drunk an since then has been drinking, not evey day but more than he should, in the last 10 days he has drunk for 6 of them. Does anyone have any tips on how to help him get back on track before he falls back into old habits? He is already being seen by Aquarius.

Vixy, this is the beginning, I guarantee it. This will get worse and worse, he is in the cycle. When it does please come back here and get the support you will need .

He hadnt had a drink since october 26th, an hadnt touched any until 2 weeks ago, granted he had just buried a very close relative, but (an i did say this to him) thats no reason to get have a drink, when he had been doing so well. Im not trying to rescue him, but if you had an alcoholic friend who had decided to change their life an asked for your support would you just walk away? If he had done this multiple times i wouldn't bother, but he hasnt, its the first time he has tried. My 3 year old gets all my love an attention, i would never put anyone above him, i dont sit fretting about my partner i get on with MY life, hes a grown man who makes his own choices. I havent been sittin at home emotionally drained, i only came on here to ask because one of my friends mentioned it. What im trying to get across is im well aware of how it could all turn out, i have done my homework on alcoholics, an am prepared to chuck him out if he goes back. Please understand i am not a silly girl, i would always put my son before any man, i am not out to rescue anyone.
I would consider it back to how it was when my partner cant control it again, when 4 becomes 5,6,7,8 when hes worrying if he doesnt have a can. I see the 6 days where he drank as a slip up, he said he felt confident enough to ave a drink an not have to carry on, realised he couldnt and stopped an so far he hasnt touched any since.

No I would not walk away if asked for help and I saw real efforts to change, but the moment he started drinking again then knowing what I know, I would be gone.

I've been with my DH for over 12 years and he has always been a heavy drinker, I thought he would change when we had children but he actually drinks more. i have recently confronted him (again)and threatened him with the end of our relationship. Sadly i am coming to terms with the facts.
He is an addict
Only he can do something about his addiction
Right now he wants to drink more than he wants to be with me and the children
I can only change me and i am gradually getting ready for that.
I can not change him I can only change me

I turned to meditation before and during the breakup with my ex and it was a life saver. On one retreat I met a man who opened up to me and said that if he hadn't started meditating he would have lost everything. He said he was an active alcoholic and his wife had had enough. He was on teh retreat to get back into meditation as things had started to feel very difficult again. I walked hoem from the retreat in floods of tears. I was so touched by this man who was so determined to stop, for the sake of his wife and kids, and of course ultimately, primarily in many ways, for himself. I was selfishly really jealous that he had done it for his family and my ex couldn't or wouldn't do it for his. So yes, people CAN stop. And maybe your partner is one of them. I hope so. To answer your question about things to do in the evenings without going down any other avenues, I have heard (first hand and through research published) very good things about meditation and a thing called Mindfulness Based Therapy for helping quit addictions. Do you think it is something he would consider?

Your partner is the only one who can help himself.
Al-Anon is a self-help organisation for relatives and friends of alcoholics. There are meetings -usually weekly- in most large towns, where people help each other to improve their lives whatever their partner drinks.
It's informal and free as well as confidential, and I do recommend you give them a try.

However much you love him I would dig deep and walk away. Alcohol destroyed my marriage and in the end and caused endless misery during the course of it.

Try not to let your heart rule your head because if you bargain away whats going on now I think you will end up doing so for years to come

The 3cs re alcoholism:-

1. You cannot control it (you've been trying to and its not working. He cannot go without a drink for any real length of time)
2. You cannot cure it
3. You did not cause it

Your partner is the only one who can help himself here, you're just propping him up. He will also continue to relapse as well. By having a relationship with such a man you are putting your own needs and wants first.

You are normalising this for both you and youe child. Whatever you have tried (keeping him busy indeed!) has not ultimately worked.

Your saving/rescuing instinct will cost you dear.

vixy, you have to wonder if there might be a reason most of the replies to your OP are on the negative side....

Living with a drinker is soul destroying. If I could take back all those years of crying myself to sleep because I went to bed with a different man than I woke up with, if I could take back all the loneliness from when my ex was drunk and I had to take care of the kids by myself, if I could take back all the wishing and hoping and wondering why he couldn't stop even though he knew it was killing our relationship....I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I am still eaten up with self doubt and we've been seperated for 2 years. At least now if I cry at night it's not because of someone elses' behaviour!!

Think really hard about what you are prepared to put yourself through because an alcoholic will take all of your emotional reserves and think nothing of it.

HelloMyNameIsHilda and shodatin thank you for your advice, i've looked up meditation an i think its worth a try, I rang Al-Anon an they do have meetings by me that i can get to, worth having a try. I am reading all the advice posted, im not ignoring the negative answers, i know most of you are talking from experience an I have taken it on bored. Thanks everyone :)

OP I wish you luck.

I had to leave and take my dc's with me - my H is getting the help he needs and I will support, but from afar.

Mine is drink and drugs though.

You are doing the 'honorable' thing - but he has to aswell. Do not forget that.

Come over here and join us Vixy.
Its not easy to live with an alcoholic, so you need to find your own support, whether it be AlAnon or something else. The important thing is that you are not alone and there is a way out of the situation, you just have to be ready to take it. It took me 5 years to say enough is enough .