single 2 years, still not ready to date? So confused!

[mrsshapelybottom]

I need some help to work out what the hell is going on with me please!!

I've been seperated for 2 years now, I've had some flings and a few ONS and after the last fling 6 months ago where I developed feelings for the guy which weren't returned, I decided to take a break to have time to be alone.....

A few weeks ago I joined POF because I was feeling so confident in myself and thought I would just "see what happened"....I've since been chatting with 3 great guys on there who want to meet up, I've pulled out of them all.....I just have a niggling feeling which I can't seem to ignore.

I really like men, don't want another relationship but miss having male company and sex. I just can't seem to be bothered with the "hassle" of actually getting out there and physically meeting someone these days.

Is this niggle trying to tell me to stay by myself for a bit longer? I just can't figure it out.....surely if a nice guy wants to meet up I would be biting his hand off if I felt the same way?

Should I just be throwing my energy into my own life and jack in the internet dating?

I need some straight talking please!

Do you know, I think you are right! It does seem obvious when I see it written down....

well you could force yourself to meet them and see what happens....

But I know the feeling one husband, ten years - I just can't imagine getting off with someone for want of more coherent flowery language.

Dunno whats wrong with me either?

hehe beingsetup, I just can't be bothered making the effort!

I have a really high sex drive and yet I am finding excuses not to meet these guys.

I could channel the sexual tension into something else maybe?!

I am a year on my own no ONS or dates. Just want to get myself to a place where I can take or leave a relationship and thats going to require a bit more time and self development.

Anyway I am only interested in a guy who will enhance my life and possess a large dick - think they are a bit short on the ground

Seriously imo theres too much fuss about being in a relationship , I am 44 and this last year is my first since about 14 yo without a man and so far so good

gettingeasier, I totally agree that there seems to be so much "pressure" to be part of a couple....people treat you as defective in some way for choosing to be single.

I really do think I'm in a place where I am doing great by myself with the kids, but I miss sex and cuddles.

(and just how big are we talking?!! or is it the life enhancement which is unlikely?)

I know exactly what you mean, in the last 14 years I've mostly been by myself with one 4 year relationship that finished early last year.(with a few ONS) thrown in to keep me going prior to this.

I did the internet thing initially last year and went on a couple of dates and ended up seeing someone for a couple of months, but since then I feel the same, it's just so much hassle and effort. I'm 45 on Friday and have now really just have thought that times running out and the whole dating thing is so depressing.

If you're happy by yourself then leave it that way. It could be that you really arn't ready, or the one's that you have come into contact with just don't do it for you.

Same here. Single for 2 years and still not ready. Need more ME time but i am 36 and want another baby, clock is ticking.

What to do?

both probably !

It's OK to want sex but not a couple-relationship. It's OK to not want either of these things.
If you want sex without dating, you could perhaps try a swingers' club: people who go to these are generally clear-headed about the fact that they want some no-strings sex (and you don't have to have the actual sex in public, most if not all clubs have private rooms), whereas dating, especially internet dating, can mean a lot of time sitting being bored by some bloke telling you about his divorce, who you don't even want to shag.

Stuffing - Hand's off my dates LOL!!!!!

(stay away from POF)

Who, me? I don't date. Your bitter divorces with receding hairlines and halitosis are all yours

LOL

Stop looking. Then one day when you least expect it, he'll arrive and you would feel as though you have just been hit by a train.

At least I hope thats what it is. It would certainly explain a couple of things.

wow thanks for the replies, it's good to know I'm not alone in this!

I'm 36, I'm finished with having babies and I'm pretty sure I don't want another live in relationship ever again.

gettingeasier haha thanks for the giggle!!

SGB, I'm intruiged by the idea of swingers clubs....I have the idea in my head that they would be full of baldy old men with pot bellies though :D And I'm not so sure I'm any use at the casual sex thing any more.

Mole, have you been hit by a train??

I think I want a shag buddy, but I just want to order one on the web, I can't be bothered vetting people!

Maybe I'm too lazy for a sex life?

ps ILovedYou (hehe that just made me giggle)

that's a hard situation to be in, but you're not exactly over the hill yet....(we're the same age and I'm pretty damn sure I ain't past it!)

Maybe you will be hit by a train Mole style when you are not expecting it? Head in the freezer at Tesco checking out frozen peas or something?!

I feel exactly the same. I was missing the sex and cuddles so I registered on POF, have had plenty of messages and not all are munters but I just cannot take things any further. I think I do need to be just me a bit longer (maybe forever).

I like my independance, suiting just me and ds, seeing friends when I want or enjoying some alone time - I'm comfortable with my own company. I do get made to feel like an oddity though being single, people can be so obvious about it!

SGB - tell us about the men in swingers clubs, do they fit the stereotype? I'm guessing maybe it depends on the club!

Men in swingers' clubs vary (as do men in your local pub for that matter). There are some older blokes and not all of them are beautiful - though generally they are friendly and polite and you are under no obligation to shag anyone you don't want to shag, but there are younger ones too. Some clubs are a bit pissy about appearance and insist on people sending in their photos to be vetted before they are allowed to join, but I have always steered clear of that sort of place.

namechanger, yep that's just how I feel.....if I could figure out the sex thing without worrying about emotions and shit I'd be happy as larry!

SGB, I have an idea in my head that there is a gap in the market somewhere for women and men to find partners just for uncomplicated sex.

I just got a mail from one of the guys who I was chatting online with (I've delted my profile now and the relief! He was a bit put out....I honestly can't be doing with worrying about other peoples' feelings any more!

See I have the offer of no strings sex, but it's with someone that I want more from so I have declined. Plus when I think about it he probably wouldn't be the best partner so for my own mental sanity I'm trying to have a bit of self control and keep my distance.

I need someone I find attractive and not boring for a very casual relationship who I don't want any more from.

Thanks sgb that's interesting, not sure I would ever have the nerve to go to one but it does slightly appeal.