ostracized I was thinking about your situation this morning - all the way through a very boring work meeting which I now can't remember much of!
Sorry to hear you are in a similar situation loise
Firstly ostracized of course you deserve a romantic life and you deserve so much better than this from your partner. OK so weekly flowers/daily back massages etc might be unrealistic (though I have a friend whose DH brings her flowers every friday night on his way home from the station!) but you deserve someone who is interested in you and your day, who seeks out a kiss/cuddle from you just because he wants that connection, who listens to your views and responds to those views, not a partner who 'sets the agenda for what will or will not be discussed' or who ignores you for any period of time, let alone 2 months at a time. You need someone who says positive things about you infront of the children so they grow up understanding that when you love someone you tell them frequently and tell others too!
You sound lovely but your DH has chipped away your confidence so you are now doubting whether you deserve a romantic life or not. Of course you do!
How to get it? I think you have 2 options. Either force your DH to listen (and I'll explain how in a sec) and force him to make changes in his behaviour, or start the process of separating, set up with the children without him and once you've recovered from all that, start thinking about enjoying your life and that might include looking for a man who can meet your needs.
How to force your DH to listen? He is clearly not hearing what you say, or hearing it slightly, making small changes and then going back to his old ways as he thinks you've calmed down and he's done enough. So you're back in your box at that point. If I were you (and I've done this fairly recently and I agree with you - it was scary), I would look online for a firm of solicitors near to you, phone them and ask to speak confidentially to a family law solicitor. Explain that you're not sure if what you're going through with your DH is grounds for separation and divorce but would appreciate some advice. Outline your situation. They will tell you their view/or ask you to come in for an initial consultation. (It is likely they will agree what you are being put through is unreasonable behaviour, therefore grounds for divorce, but you need to hear that from them.)
Then armed with this back up, you could tell your DH you have been so upset over recent years with his behaviour and lack of long term change that you sought the advice of a solicitor and this is it......
Then express your view (if this is it anyway!) that your preference would be to have one last, really big effort to change your marriage into one where both parties needs are met, before separating but that if after 6 months of trying, there is no change, you will start separating with help from Relate or some such place. You then need to set conditions on the trying - ie weekly counselling, other time together as a couple, respect for you and your views, no ironic comments that are actually disguised put-downs, no sulking, positive views of you expressed infront of children etc.
Sorry if this is long - your situation really touched me and I want you to feel empowered to do something about this because you don't have to carry on trying to adapt to this as though it's normal or as though it's all you are worth, because it isn't normal and it certainly isn't all you are worth!