Fallen at the first hurdle, please help me to not give up

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

Im sitting here flipping sobbing, ex has gone out after being a massive shit. He is refusing to leave, he is being damn right nasty. I understand he is hurting but I thought he was a bigger person than this.
He left with a satisfied smug look on his face.
God it would just be easier to give in and take him back, surely a lifetime of unhappiness can't be that long?
I want to stay strong, I know this is for the best but im so tired and broken at this second. I got no one to talk to.

And follow the advice on the link bitofun posted..

Go to the bank, open a new account and transfer exactly half into your own account. You may need to change direct debits to coming from your new account, or make sure you leave money to cover it.

It should all take about half an hour. Very east to do. With some banks you can even do it online. If you already do online banking with them.

Make a list and start doing things.

Move the money before you talk to him.

I completely sympathise, i do. My sister has just gone through it and this was the worst part, totally. She managed about three months before he left. He went away on a job for a week and she changed the locks and left his things at his mums. I know its not legal, but neither is murder, which is where she was headed.

He took to staying in dd's bedroom, smoking and drinking. Poor dd was scared to go in for toys. It was terrible, but the others are right. Do not do another thing for him, no tea, no airbed, no packed lunches. Keep acting like he is not there, eventually it will get through to his thick skull it is over and he should go.

Will they accept me for an account when all my income is benifits without him? Also can i make a claim for incmoe support and change the tax credits and stuff with him still living here?

Yes, you can. Call them all, and make it very clear that you are no longer living as a couple, you have separate sleeping arrangements and you are separating your finances and trying to get him to leave.

Ok if i call the council will they send us each a seperate council tax bill?
Im going to be screwing him up if call call tax credits he wont be eligable by hiself, I will keep mine.

Fuck him. You need to play hard ball.

Council tax bills are per household, as I understand it, but do check with them to make sure.

1. If you are suffering DV, and EA IS DV, then you must go to the Housing Association and find out what there DV policy is. It is a common clause that DV is a breach of tenancy. They are also required by law to have a policy where one part of a joint tenancy is suffering DV.

1. You then terminate your tenancy, this has the legal effect of also terminating his tenancy as well.

1. The Housing Assiciation should then in theory award you the sole tenancy of the property, thus meaning that he is out on his ear.

I am a Housing Officer so do this all the time.

If you have any problems, then get in touch with Shelter or Womens Aid and they will be able to advocate for you.

Great advice from modreb there. Get thee to a bank today. Take some ID with you (driver's licence, utility bill and/or passport), you shouldn't need them if you already have an account there but better safe than sorry, just say you want a new account and to transfer half the money out of your old one. Set up a current account as well as a savings account if you can. You should have no problems.

I have four accounts with one bank and can move he money around as and when I need to online.

Then get on to the council.

Never ever take his word for anything ever again. If he says he's done something, then check it is done.

Make sure you stress the pressure on the dcs and how ex is refusing to interact with them during the week be use he's now a "weekend dad", and how confusing this is for them.

I'm off to work in a bit. Stay strong and keep posting. This won't last forever and just imagine what life will be like without this millstone around your neck. You can do it!

Thanks for all your ladies advice last night. I am going strieght to the bank when I drop the kids off at school then I will go to the CAB.
I put the fear of god up him this morning when he came in as if nothing had happened and demanded to know why I was ignoring him...

I simply replied that I had nothing to say, when he qizzed me on my plans for the day I said i had a few things to do with my Dad... he is terrified of my Dad and I was technically lying, he is comig with me to the CAB today.

I have had a productive day, te CAB were really good, they covered me for legal aid should i need is and said basicly he doesn't have a leg to stand on in regard to the flat.

I have made an apt with the bank as they couldn't do it there and then.

I have found a bedsit, nt great but there is no way he can afford a flat and he wont house share so I have rung up and lned up a bedsit, I shall tell him he either moves into it and I will sort out all the banks and stuff or we play hardball and he gets evicted and I sting him for child support. (I have so far said as long as he stepped up and saw the kids, and was being a good dad i wouldn't go through the CSA)
Hopefully he is in a talking mood.

I really want to thank you all for last night, Mumsnet is such a blessing, everyone is there wether it be for advice, support of just to be there. Thanks

Well done you:)

This is the first step towards a safe future for you and the dcs. Post again whenever you need to!

Keep going Titsalina, you're doing great. Stay strong and keep posting.