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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help me focus on the bigger picture

2 replies

scarlotti · 11/01/2011 19:10

I need some help keeping the bigger picture in mind and not get dragged into a tit for tat situation.

Brief history - DH and I have had issues for years, started relate last Feb which resulted in a trial separation starting last Nov. We are now at a point where it's obvious it should be permanent. Nobody else involved, just a very different idea of what married life is, and the level of effort it requires to live with children and interact with your family to enjoy life.

As I suspected, H is now playing the 'if that is what you want' card around us separating permanently, despite admitting to friends that he is enjoying himself now and likes the new situtation. He has always been very bothered by what others think, and it comes as no surprise to me that he will want everyone to think that whilst he has tried everything it is me that has called time on the marriage.
He's being a bit of an arse - I suggested we meet to talk about things, but he said no and then proceeded to conduct the final 'it's over' conversation on email.

I need to rise above this, and focus on the bigger picture of getting out of this marriage where I'm not happy and everything is left to me to provide/do/support whilst he does sweet fa.

Are there any implications in terms of divorce/separation agreements etc. if he makes out like it's all my decision to split?

OP posts:
snowpoint · 11/01/2011 19:19

In short, no. Unless there are very serious reasons to be considered (abuse, drugs, criminal activity etc), the courts aren't interested who's filing for divorce against who, and for what reasons.

It's more a case of ensuring he doesn't misrepresent you to the people you care about. Hopefully they'd be able to see him for what he is anyway though. You sound well rid tbh!

scarlotti · 11/01/2011 19:39

Thanks for your reply - no serious things to consider (other than the saving of my sanity!)

I guess it would be nice if the IL's knew that I wasn't a complete cow but then they're hardly going to blame their son over me anyway so I suspect that's one I'll just have to suck up and live with.

OP posts:
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