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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dwindling friendships

5 replies

higgle · 11/01/2011 16:37

DH and I have been married 26 years. In the past we had quite an active social life, mainly involving half a dozen or so of his old friends, who originated close to where we live now, and 8-10 of my old school and uni friends who I keep in touch with. When we moved to our present address 11 years ago the houses here were new and we saw a lot of our neighbours too.

DH doesn't bother so much with his friends now, Christmas cards etc. is about it. I see my friends en masse a couple of times a year and meet up with them individually for trips to London or lunches out but it is - with the exception of one summer lunch party a year - all girly gatherings.

The neighbours have given up socialising and we don't see much of any of them now really.

I have made a real effort in the past and invited people round for meals, tried to orgnanise things but they come to us or go out with us once then it all dies down again and we don't get invited back for meals etc.

We had DH's walking group friends round on Saturday as they were starting out on a walk from our house and it was so lovely to go to the pub with them and then give them supper I felt sad that this doesn't happen very often. Why is it so difficult for us to maintain our friendships these days? Is it normal?

OP posts:
Bumblequeen · 11/01/2011 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

higgle · 11/01/2011 21:40

It just seems to me as if it isn't that people don't like us but as you get older everything is too much effort!

OP posts:
rednose · 11/01/2011 21:54

I fretted about this as I found nights out and lunches dwindling! However I now realise that friendships go through episodes in life and are therefore not always sustained.

I have 1 close friend and due to family life other "friendships" are mainly via texts to learn of news.

This used to worry me but so what I think- I am now mature enough to be happy at home with my book and an early night!

LadyFannyofBumStreet · 12/01/2011 05:30

Higgle,

I tracked down an excellent article that I read last year when I was wondering the very same thing. It made me re-think how I viewed the concept of friendship and how it matched my expectations. After a few adjustsments, I am now happy with my social life. Please read it (and the reader comments) and share any thoughts you have on it.

Lady Fanny

londonartemis · 12/01/2011 12:08

OP - You are right that keeping in touch and seeing one's friends takes effort, and life nowadays does not encourage casual drop bys. It mainly has to be pre-planned.

But I would say that nowadays we do have the advantage of e-mailing/texting which keeps friendships going strong. I have friends who live in other parts of Europe now and we e-mail jokes, observations of life, a lot of interesting trivia about our lives too in little bursts from time to time. It's like bumping into them in the street and catching up that way. It means when we do ever meet up for a night out/stay over we don't have to 'warm up'. We are straight in with the laughs and good company.
Helps with newer friends too.

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