How did separation/divorce affect other members of your family?

[oystercard]

Might sound strange, but apart from DCs, how did other members of your family react to your separation, especially if you'd been together a long time?

Married 20 years, and after many problems over last few years, fully expect to end our relationship in the coming year. I'm not doing anything rash, but focussing on 'getting ready', understanding my legal and financial position etc.

Strange as it sounds, for someone in their mid 40s, I really worry about telling my parents. they have no idea anything is wrong as they live a few hours away. They are late 60s and relatively ok health wise, but i really worry what this will do them. Am I being ridiculous?

I was sorry I had to tell my mum but she was very understanding, and I had told her very briefly that there were problems.

My sister was fantastic - having gone through it herself - and she was hugely, hugely supportive for me, as well as being sad for me, and sad for my ex, who she liked.

I think my parents will be very supportive - both emotionally and financially if i need it. I just feel that I'm letting them down in some way, and also the minute I let them know things aren't right, I'll need to reveal the fact I've been lying for years.

I felt it too, that I would be letting them down. I also feel a complete numpty as less than two years before, my mum had hand-made my wedding dress, my SIL had done our wedding cake etc etc . But they did all understand and support me.

Go with your gut!

I too had to reveal that I'd been lying for years - but they were so understanding. And at the end of the day, it's about you making the best choice for you, so they will understand.

They might feel a sense of guilt that you couldn't be honest with them, you won't be letting them down, they want you to be happy.
My family couldn't believe the change in me after I left. They said it was like they had forgotten how happy I used to be. You are not being ridiculous, you sound very caring, your parents will be proud of you. You never know, they may have had some idea but not wanted to say anything.
All the best.

No, you aren't being riduculous, I went through exactly the same thing. They were the last people I told and in a funny way it only became "real" once I had. I too felt like I was letting them down. I think because they've been married for 60+ years they've set the bar very high!

I'm not sure they completely understood, but they are very elderly. I just kept it quite brief and kept to the main reasons I was leaving. And they have been absolutely fine about it, in fact I was surprised that there had been things they weren't happy about that they'd never said anything about.

I had also waited until everything was sorted, I knew where I'd be living and what all the arrangements were going to be so that they didn't worry.

I think at the end of the day what they'll want is for you to be happy.

I've told my family we are having 'problems' a couple of months ago and revealed that I have been living a kind of double life. I agree with some of the other comments, that, it made it all real. i did it because I don't want to back down from this stand i am trying to take. My family knowing means that I have to do what is right for me. My sis was v shocked as had no idea but has been brilliant, and my parents have been good too but are very careful about not being seen to be taking sides.

Thanks everyone - I have a feeling that they may well suspect things but haven't said anything. I can also sense that telling them will help lift the weight a bit as I feel very alone on all of this at the moment.

Tthey're planning a holiday next month that I don't want to spoil, so planning to wait until they get back before talking to them

thanks