How do I avoid WW3

[howdoIask]

Hi All

Would love some advice please.

Have been seperated/divorced from h for over 12 years.
In all this time the kids maintenance has only ever decreased.

This culminated in it being reduced to it's current amount when he had another child.

Since then I am led to believe/know that he is now earning substantially more that he was at any other period, and several people have told me to go to the CSA and get the payments increased. I have not up to this point, as I really did not want the hassle, and I did not want to upset him or his current wife by rocking the boat, unfortunately for me, my circumstances have suddenly changed for the worse, and tbh I could really do with the increased money.

I have now asked (incredibly politely) if this is a conversation I can have with him, and am either being ignored or being given the brush off. I do not want to leave this, so the question is, how do I deal with this without it leading to WW3. Or do I just leave well alone?

Any suggestions or wise words will be gratefully received.

Are you not with the CSA at the moment? It sounds as if you feel intimidated by him :(

To be honest, I doubt there is any way to have a reasonable conversation with him about money, from what you say.

If I were you I would just ask him outright if his earnings have increased. If he is stonewalling you, go to the CSA. Is he employed by a company or self employed?

Remember, you are not asking for any handouts. He is due to maintain his kids based on his earnings. If his earnings decreased to zero, you would get zero. It works both ways, so don't feel shy.

Thanks guys.

I don't know whether I am intimidated by him, he irritates the shit out of me, and generally the less I have to do with him the better TBH, hence the reason with not doing anything about this months ago, financially I did not need the money, even although morally he should have been paying it. I have always felt that it was better to organise this between the two of us, rather than to involve the CSA (lets face it, there are some horror stories out there about them). But by my reckoning he is underpaying for the children by a couple of hundred pounds a month, and that is food that I am struggling to put on the table right now,

My fear is that he is selfemployed and will get his accountant to fiddle his books and we will be left with even less than he currently contributes, and then I really really would be in queer street.

And yes, unfortunately I think that he is perfectly capable of doing this.

I was worried you were going to say he is self employed. That usually does make it tricky. If I were you I would approach him and say if he wont listen to you, he will be hearing from your lawyer. It can go to court, and no accountant is happy to cover up docs for court. He will hopefully be keen to avoid court costs. As will you. Is it worth a try?

Thanks PL, yep, that is the problem, I really don't want to go down the line of going to court, but tbh I really don't think I am going to have alot of choice! Ah well, not alot I can do about it. Will give him to the end of the week, with some daily reminders, and then I will hand it on to the CSA.

If I need to go to court, then so be it, I cannot let him away with it any more, it was fine when the children were not affected by whether he paid the correct amount or not, but now they will be, and I am not going to standstill and let that happen.