Unasked as bRidesmaid- Do i go to the hen do?

[Mooey26]

hey girls
could do with your advice. my so called best friend asked me to be her bridesmaid about 2 months ago. i was overjoyed and was excited as loads of old friends of mine got married recently and i only got to hear about their weddings through facebook- no invite! so this made up for it. i was suprised at my other friends as one of them even said she wanted me there on the day.low and behold am i invited no! and we hadn't fallen out. these friends i have helped when they had been low.
anyway back to the current situation- my so called best friend uninvited me to be bridesmaid. she told me in a really shitty way as she mentioned she had a dress- so i said oh am i still being bridesmaid. she said no. what hurts is that all though she says its for money she is still having 2 other bridesmaids. it also hurts the shitty casual way she told me.
what i could do with advice is how to handle situation? i don't feel like going to the wedding at all now. shes said for years i have been her best friend and now she says well x has been my best fridnd since school etc. even though x lives in another country and who supports her regularly- me!
any advice would be grate. part of me feels this is the end of the fridndship. also how should i be with the people who didn't invite me to their wedding- drop contact and friendship?

This happened to me, my cousin invited my kids to be bridesmaids, I said ok as long as she did not change he mind later, she also asked me, she was mine. She later gave me a cock and bull story about some other relative's bad behaviour and that she was now not having any family. I nodded and when the invite came, it was abroad, I declined the invitation, I voted with my feet lol x Another cousin a few months later invited me to her wedding in the same country, I went to the other cousins wedding. I remained on ok terms with her for a while afterwards.

I think things like weddings really show up people for who they are, maybe in time she will learn from this, in the mean time, I would spend your time with people who appreciate you.

So who are the other bridesmaids then? I am wondering if there is more to this than you are explaining?

Thanks mummiehunnie- nice to see other people have had stuff like this happen. Cheers X and think i will vote with feet too ;)

bitoffun- no more to explain really- other bridesmaids are older friends than me who shes known longer but doesn't see as much as me. She said it was for money reasons- which is fine- as i would never wantvsomeone to feel financially pressured. What hurts is the way she told me- i had to find out kinda by accident- and there appears to have been no consideration to the fact i'm hurt. To me- it just seems wrong to unask someone.

I don´t think there´s anything wrong with "unasking" you.

But it sounds as if the way it was done was wrong.

How bothered are you about remaining her friend?

If not bothered, give the whole thing a miss.

Yeah Diddl -think it was all about the way it was done.

It feels sad as it seems end of friendship. If i unasked someone i would make an effort to ensure the person was not hurt and understood- thats if i was bothered about keeping them as a friend.
I think the fact she hasn't really made that much of an effort to do this hurts more than being unasked.

I actually think there is something wrong with unasking someone to be part of a very special day. Marriages, weddings are incrediby important, so why ask people to be an important part of it without really thinking it through - we all know the costs involved beforehand - there are enought 'surveys/reports etc.

OP, can you not tell her how hurt you were, in the way it was done? If you don't feel you can, maybe this friendship really isn't worth saving, and concentrate on the real ones you have.

Oh I do feel for you Mooey - and I agree with galletti, there is something very wrong in unasking someone.
Something similar happened to me only I was unasked as a Godparent - two weeks before the Christening it really hurt me and I did choose to walk away from the friendship. To be honest it wasn't the first time this "friend" of mine had let me down and I decided that I wasn't going to allow myself to be hurt anymore by her. She unasked me by text too which I found rather cowardly.
Only you can decide if the friendship is worth saving and if you would want to go to the wedding regardless.
I know that with weddings and babies and other family events there is often huge pressure from other family members to do what they want, but personally I think that if you invite someone to play a part on your special day whatever the occasion then you should honour that offer.

Could it be that she was embarrassed about unasking you and tried to slip it into the conversation and did so awkwardly?

Yeah Galetti i could speak to her. I had to distance myself for a while as wanted to make sure i wasn't overreacting. I thought time might make me feel less angry/hurt about the situation but in fact it had tye opposite effect. :(

Angelhmum- thanks. I think its a really shame about what happened to you too- i'm not suprised you walked away from the friendship- sometimes its important to vote with your feet.if anything- it makes you value yourself more doesn't it? I'm quite a sincere person- so don't think i could sit through a hen night and wedding.

Realname- yeah think so. Think she is a bit of a coward.but sometimes in friendships- you have to be strong and if she'd made more of an effort to smooth things over it probably wouldn't hurt as bad. I don't want to have a bitter horrid argument with her as for me it would add more salt into the wounds.

Everyone- can i just say thanks for all your comments. I really apppreciate your points of view. You've helped me alot- cheers Xxx

You know, I think you are probably one of those nice people who puts themselves out for others and doesn't make demnds or a fuss. People like that often get taken for granted and end up getting the shitty end of the stick. So when she reaslised she was having to have one bridesmaid less you were the fall guy. She probably doesn't have the class to know how to let some one down with a bit of grace.

With your other friends - well people tend to plan these ridiculous unaffordable dos and then have to try and wriggle out of the huge guest list they stupidly made at the start. Then they are pressured by all and sundry considerations and again someone gets the shitty end of things.

My response would be to let the friendship go since its all take take take from her side. However if you fancy going to the wedding/hen then just get a fab outfit and turn up with a big smile (and don't help her out of support her in any way ever again in future) Direct her to her bridesmanids next time she needs a sholder to cry on.

If you haven't even been invited to be a guest at the weddings of other old "friends" I would have a serious rethink about how important you are to them.

I would expect to find out through FB that a distance acquaintance that I hadn't seen for several years had got married. Not someone I thought of as a friend.

Then find yourself some decent mates who show you some respect!

How bizarre. I would be most cross and hurt to be "uninvited" about anything without a damn good and plausible explanation. Plain bad manners.

kill her.

She should not have asked you in the first place, she should have thought about the cost of 3+ bridesmaids before.

But if the other two are older friends then it does make sense for her to have them as bridesmaids if sge can only afford two.

I do think it is terribly wrong to ask someone to be a bridesmaid then change your mind.

She should have thought it through, worked out how many bridesmaids she can afford and then asked you.

Bridezilla.

Don't go to the henny night, or the wedding.

She is not a friend. A friend would not treat you like that. I am sorry.

My friend who I have known from primary school asked me and our other friend to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. She then unasked us a couple of months later stating it was down to money and she was just having little ones instead. Fair enough.

We then both recieved an invite to the night do only. This was a shock. We were her only two friends and we weren't even invited to her wedding breakfast after oringally being asked to be bridesmaids.

We begin to realise that her future DH was a complete control freak who didn't like her going out or having friends. Its sad because we had been friends for so long. Neither of us see her anymnore when she just suddenly stopped returning our calls and not showing up when we made plans.

So I know how you feel OP. Your friend shouldn't have asked you in the first place. As others have said find yourself some better friends.

Maybe the other two bridesmaids are paying for their dress? Perhaps if you offered she would change her mind but personally I wouldn't bother!

Yeah the more responses i have- the more i am put off goung to the hen do or wedding.

Thanks again for your opinions - its good to hear from you all X