Am i being stupid?

[Ladywolf]

My husband of 11 years decided he wasn't happy and walked out 5 months ago, we have two beautiful daughters together aged 1 and 4. He stayed with his mom briefly but is now renting a place of his own. He comes round between 1 and 2 times monday to friday to visit them at my home. And he visits every Saturday, i work 1 in 3 saturdays so on those saturdays he takes the kids to his place. He phones most evenings to speak to the children. I am trying my hardest to keep things amicable for the sake of the children. I even foolishly hope we can be friends one day, but i'm struggling. Even discounting the hurt i'm feeling, sometimes it is like dealing with a stranger. Cause the children are so young i end up speaking to him telling him about the children's day etc. But sometimes he is very uncommunicative, he keeps changing the day he wants to come at the last minute. He doesn't want the children overnight yet cause they are too young. Why should i be the one to be making all the effort when he makes so little.
I don't think i'm explaining this very well, there is just so much going on. I guess what i'm wondering is if anyone else is trying to remain friendly and how it is going for them.

Can you make his contact times regular? Arrange particular days and stick to them? Even if this means going to a solicitor or mediation if he will agree to that.

It's not fair on you or the children to be chopping and changing all the time. Also, it's very hard for you to be having to talk to him on the phone every night and always having him at your place. Can't he take the children out/to his place when he sees them? Do they speak to him on the phone when he rings? Or is it just an excuse to phone you do you think?

My eldest sometimes rabbits away to him, sometimes she doesn't feel like it and just says hello daddy goodbye. I thought about getting him to take the children to his place but then i will be missing out on time with them. But it is hard having him around, and it's not much different than when we were together. He sits on the sofa, goes on the laptop, sometimes has a little nap,sometimes plays with the kids. I do him something to eat, make him cups of tea. He might even do some washing up or run the hoover round. I do the changing of the nappies and feeding the kids.

I think it sounds impossible for you to move on with him coming and going as he pleases. I think you would really benefit from a more formal arrangement and for you to have less contact with him.

I don't think you should take so much responsibility for becoming friends. Why did he leave? Is there another woman involved?

Have you spoken to a solicitor?

I have had an initial meeting with a solicitor, do need to go back. There doesn't appear to be another woman.