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Original poster

Anyone else with young kids feel like they are just co-parenting?

26 replies

Bumperlicious · 09/01/2011 21:26

Have a 3 year old & 3 month old dds. Dh and I both feel like we are just co parenting atm. When he is not working I sleep late then when when I get up he often goes back to bed. Dd2 is bfing in the night and dd1 often wakes up in the night & she is dh's responsibility.

I am spending 2 or more hours trying to get the baby down in the evening. Any free time is spent getting on top of the house. And the little time we have in the evenings we are just too tired to do much but watch crap tv & fanny around on the computer. We try to make an effort. Dh will sometimes sit up with me when I am feeding the baby to sleep. But mostly we are just passing the kids to each other in exchange for sleep, showers or housework.

Dh has also slept on the sofa since before the baby was born so that we could both get semi decent sleeps. I was incredibly uncomfy & had insomnia while pg. Now the baby wakes in the night & then I struggle to get to sleep. Dh was ill for over a month and was coughing all night, so it just seems sensible, but it's not ideal.

The baby is bfed & not reliable enough on a bottle or to go down to have anyone babysit yet.

Anyone else feel like they are just co-parenting? The thing is dh & I both really need our space, so what with the kids, the house, then what little time we have to ourselves, doing stuff together takes last priority. I know it gets better but in the mean time we are both tired & crabby with each other.

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 09/01/2011 21:30

oh yes!! Now that does sound familiar!! Smile
BUT the good thing is by working together like this, you are making the job of caring so much easier than it would be.
And it does get easier as dc2 becomes a toddler and more independant/better at sleeping.
Can you get a babysitter? maybe a nice meal out would help?

Good job though!

notnowbernard · 09/01/2011 21:32

EAsy to say, but this is just a phase

You have a young child and a new baby

It will pass before you know it...

As long as you both are aware of how things stand atm and keep communicating, am sure you'll be ok

I do know how you feel... have 7, 4 and 5m old DC (baby co-sleeping and bf so can empathise)

ssd · 09/01/2011 21:37

we split all the school hols up so one of us can be with the kids and we don't need childcare

we are still co parenting and the eldest is nearly a teenager, some things don't change!

notnowbernard · 09/01/2011 21:40

Though I confess I sometimes have to remind myself to actually say "Hello, how are you?" to DP when he eventually walks through the door of an evening rather than just handing him a whingey child or cranky baby Blush

MigratingCoconuts · 09/01/2011 21:43

sorry, just re-read your op...no babysitting just yet. Nice DVD together?

bellabelly · 09/01/2011 21:51

Totally feel like this - sometimes it feels like DH and I are part of a "parenting team" doing a relay race or something. We have twin boys aged 3.5 and twin girls aged 4 months and it is fun but pretty exhausting at the moment. We ae lucky in that all the dcs are great sleepers but we are too knackered to do much except watch tv/play on computers and grunt at each other occasionally!

notnowbernard · 09/01/2011 21:52

2 sets of twins under 5? Fucking Hell Shock

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 09/01/2011 21:52

Me too notnowbernard! When dd1 was little dh used to say 'you only ever ring me at work to complain, you never just ring to see how I am'. I pointed out when I went back to work and he stayed at home part time 'you never just ring to see how I am...'.

We should make more of an effort in the evenings but dd2 has literally only just started going down in the evening, and it's still hit and miss (tonight is a miss!).

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumperlicious · 09/01/2011 21:54
OP posts:
notnowbernard · 09/01/2011 21:58

DS (the baby) still has No Routine to speak of ,so doesn't really 'go down' yet

I must admit I'm looking forward to getting a bit of an evening back

bellabelly · 09/01/2011 21:58

Grin notnowbernard

bumper, we should make a pact to organise a babysitter for a "date night" with our respective DHs before the end of February. I keep putting it off and putting it off and then feeling all miserable that we never go out! Sounds really silly now I've written it down...

baybay · 09/01/2011 22:19

this completey sums up me and dp.we have 11month twins, i feel burnt out as im working full time.we never spend any time together im just tired all the time

accidentwaitingtohappen · 09/01/2011 22:26

Hate to say this, but it doesn't change as they get older.
You will be looking after 2 whilst DH looks after the other 1 or 2.
You never seem to be 'a team' IYSWIM.

CountBapula · 09/01/2011 22:36

Same here and we only have one, albeit a terrible sleeper. We do the 'nap relay' at weekends.

Bumps you must think I'm stalking you. Honestly I'm not. It's just that whenever I click on a thread that describes a situation I can relate to it's usually got your name at the top!

bellabelly · 09/01/2011 23:13

ah but accidentwaitingto happen, when they are older there will be trips away with school etc, won't there? lots and lots of lovely residential trips.

Gay40 · 09/01/2011 23:35

Fk me, bellabelly...all my problems pale in comparison.

cheekster · 09/01/2011 23:38

I too feel like this ...

I have a 3wk old and a 2 year old, and it is soooo hard.

I so hope this stage doesnt last too long

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 10/01/2011 00:04

Count, I think we are actually the same person. You are me posting when I am at my most tired and hallucinatory!

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 10/01/2011 00:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itmustbewineoclock · 10/01/2011 04:41

There's that line in some film that goes something like, " It feels like I'm running a childcare centre with someone I used to go out with...." Sympathies to you. I know how you feel. Things are slightly better now that DD3 is 22 months old. But the BF stage was very much like that.

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 10/01/2011 10:45

Alll these replies make me feel a bit better. It's such a lot of things, lack of sleep, not getting time to talk, plus both of us sitting silently seething that we are having a harder time than the other one!

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 10/01/2011 14:26

Oh yes we do Competitive Tiredness very well in our house Grin

azazello · 10/01/2011 15:06

God absolutely. We just thought we were beginning to get the hang of it very slightly in that DS (13m) would sleep for a whole 4/5 hours and then both DS and DD (3.5) and me and DH have all had flu. Then we had colds. Then DS got another tooth. Then we got more colds.

My mum gave us a voucher for a really lovely dinner out and has promised to babysit so date planned. It does help. Otherwise, i just try not to make much of a point of the competative tiredness and remember to say thank you when he does make my life easier.

bellabelly · 10/01/2011 17:15

azazello - yes I have to remind myself to say thanks sometimes. If we are not careful we end up just barking instructions at one another. And yes to competitive tiredness. He'll yawn and I'll snap "at least you had a lie-in this morning" - poor man, how DARE he yawn! Oh also competitive who's had the shitest day. And woe betide him if the train is late...

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 10/01/2011 17:49

Oh yes if dh is tired my response is 'well you should just go to beef earlier, at least you can go to bed when you like and aren't held to ransom by this baby'

OP posts: