Sorry for the ramble this may become but thought I had posted this AM and wanted some advice, realised had deleted instead.
I had a date on Friday, the first since finding out EXH was having an affair with a good friend about 9 months ago. Affair has now been going on for 18 months. I realised I am so over ExH and ready to move on but....
Found out about affair from a friend,if I think back, realise they probably have been having the odd snog on and off for abut 10 yrs.
Despite the hurt, anger etc I started to make changes in my life. Got a job, found schools for the twinnies for this year, sorted out childcare, started looking for house to move into (housing market is shit at the moment!) and tried to get on with my life.
Initially ExH nasty accusing me of all sorts, having an affair -have not, getting pregnant deliberately - first pregnancy was via IVF! etc etc. He left the house the week I find out and that weekend I went to parents, came back to find him back in the house and in the spare room. I have asked /told him/packed his bags and left them at the front door on numerous occasions but each time he stays. To be honest we get on OK in the house infront of the kids and no arguing shouting bad mouthing and to all intents and purposes live together but.... I think the Telegraph called it the undivorced. Bar changing the locks which I have been advised not to do by my solicitor not sure how I can get him to leave.
Kids are coping well, initially would see OW everyweek but this is now down to once per month. Have never stopped them going but hate the fact that she uses mind games and for 2-3 days after a visit they want to sleep in my bed because the darling woman says to the twinnies (age 4) that when this is all resolved then they will be living with her and EXH because it will be better for them as I go out to work!!
She is still living with her DP and 2 kids, spent Xmas and NY with him and kids and according to her DP ( we have talked) they are working on sorting things out and trying to stay together both accept they have behaved badly., going on holiday, moving house etc etc. ExH still thinks she and he are going to get together and live in harmony etc etc - this is what she tells him.
I am now sick of the situation. He gets to have his cake and eat it, runs around after her, forgets his children when he feels like it and will not move out. will not sell the house, thinks we should rent it out, thus leaving me with minimal deposit and looking at renting which annoys me because it is wasted money and makes it even harder for me to save for a deposit - aaaggh.
I get the feeling she and he will not get it together and he thinks he can slip back into my life. I am so over him it is not true. Friday really crystallised this for me.Until then was angry and thought we could make a go of it again - I have known for a while that this was not the case but needed that final kick to make me accept it.
So I know I need to uproot three kids and find somewhere to rent and let him sit like Lord Muck in our house but can see no way further forward. All my friends - divorced and other wise, do not understand what the hell the two of them are playing at and neither do I. All I do know is I am done with the mind games- (she can send some evil little texts - about what she is doing with him and kids and they prefer her to me etc)
If they want to get together they can do it without involving me. My thoughts about my ExH are generally unprintable as I know he is as guilty as her for the havoc they have wreaked in my life but I have to get on with him for the DCs sake - they love their Dad -so bite my tongue and do not let rip which I am so desperate to do.
If anyone finds my original post from this AM - sorry for repeating!!