im a newbie please be gentle ...lol

[giddyteeniwish]

im, sorry if this ends up long confusing or a jumbled load of waffle.......im after a reality check i think ...me and my exh split in august he was straight in a relationship with a work collegue ( make of that what you will ) she has children . i have 3 children which to this day he still has not even mentioned , he has 3 children that he has never seen and we have a dd aged 2 she is my priority and concern . i feel that there has to be a lengthy period before a new partner is introduced to children and as far as im aware my ex has stuck to this , however out of the last potential 15 visits he has cancelled 8 then when he did turn up to take her out ( 7 hours ) he took her out with some other woman ( not new gf i have no idea who ) and this womans children . i think that is out of order am i wrong does that make me bitter ? i did confront him which ended in a 3 hour texting rant and name calling abuse yes i know and admit that i did retaliate its so hard to constantly bite my tongue i do manage most of the time , im so angry at myself because not only do i feel like ive just gone 10 rounds with mike tyson , i also feel so fragile very emotional and like i constantly take 3 steps forward and 25 back i hate the fact that he can still have that effect on me. i dont understand why out of a whole week he cant seem to spend 7 hours with dd on his own , surely it should be quality time for them both . if im wrong please tell me a si think i need to see it , i was adamant that once new year came it would be my year to get myself sorted and find me again and here we are 9 days in and i feel carp !!!! lol
Some of it could quite possibly be that our wedding anniversary is approaching and also i have this real out of proportion feeling that my dd will want to spend more time with her dad and his new women than me ..i have no idea why i have been through divorce with children before but the big difference is my dd dad was the love of my life so maybe thats the problem aswell as he seems to have not even so much as breathed his owm air let alone be on his own .

I appologise for the waffle lol and if i posted in wrong place

I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's hard, I know.

It's not that he can't spend a few hours with his DD. It's simply that he doesn't want to. And he doesn't want to because he's a selfish, emotionally stunted arse. You won't be able to fully understand his motivations because I'm guessing that you're not a selfish, emotionally stunted arse. You simply don't see the world the way he does.

You cannot force him to be the involved and hands-on father you think he should be, no matter how right you are to think that he should. He won't. Sorry, but he won't. He's already turned his back his three other children. I know that your DD is wonderful and special. But I think that, in his view, she's just another of his kids he can't be bothered to maintain a relationship with now that he doesn't have to.

I hope you don't think I'm being harsh. I'm just trying to explain why wondering how he could possibly behave like this and what must be going through his mind is pointless. The simple answer to all the "How could he...?" and "Why doesn't he...?" questions really is "...because he's a sad selfish twat."

lol oh snorbs that is the first time i have laughed in two days it was the first paragraph ......i agree totally about him not bothering but he keeps saying he will never leave her its almost like hes punishing me for his guilt if that makes sense , i have asked why my dd is any different to his other children and he just says the same thing.

It's really sad, and his loss, but as snorbs says, he's got the opportunity to see her, but he doesn't take it. It's hard for anyone decent to understand how anyone can not want to see their children, but some people don't want to. You can't change him, you can only change how you react to the situation. You have to get on with your own life, I know it's hard.